EXTRA: Where’s the news?!?

What we saw in the news box

I almost feel like Clara Peller ought to come crawling out of the woodwork to do commercials for the Chicago Tribune – she could be the one bellowing at copies of  the anemic Chicago Sun-Times “Where’s the news?!”

For that would be particularly appropriate on Tuesday, when the “front” page of the newspaper had the “The King’s got a Whopper…” headline along with a giant photo of that ridiculous looking monarch who touts Burger King “food.”

The front page buried behind it

WHEN I FIRST saw that front page, I first thought there was some sort of scandalous story concerning the fast-food chain’s products. Perhaps lame jokes about Chipotle’s mediocre food products were going to become passe, and a new target of gags had come forth.

Then, I saw that the front was actually a four-page wraparound of the REAL newspaper, and that it was totally covered in a Burger King ad – touting the fact that the chain was going to start selling hot dogs.

Lame hot dogs covered in ketchup that have the appearance of those overpriced dogs sold at movie theater concessions stands. Not something I’m the least bit ever anxious to eat.

 

It certainly made the Tribune's front page of stories about mosque hostility, a suburban school district's boundary issues and Donald Trump's latest nonsense (about the Ricketts family) seem downright substantive by comparison.

I REMEMBER THE time when front page advertising was considered truly garish – something for tacky buffoons to engage in because they didn’t have any news product worth promoting.

You'll get a better hot dog here. All photographs by Gregory Tejeda

Now, we have the idea of the advertising being the primary product on the front – and also on Page Three of the actual newspaper, which was another full-page ad touting those Burger King hot dogs.

Somehow, I sense a flop of magnificent proportions coming upon us – while I realize there are people with a palate weak enough to think something like Domino’s pizza is actually a quality product, I just can’t envision anything from a Burger King appealing to anybody beyond the age of six.

With the Sun-Times so solidly touting this new product, how much does its eventual demise take them down?

AND WHILE I realize that the Sun-Times probably charged a significant amount for this four-page advertising wraparound plus a full-page ad in the newspaper proper, this doesn’t exactly make the newspaper the equivalent of a high-priced call girl.

 

Proper hot dog condiments

The Bright One comes across more as a cheap floozy who suckered a drunk into overpaying for said services.

Let’s just hope the newspaper is satisfied with their cash flow – as short-lived as it will be.

And somewhere, Clara Peller is rolling over in her grave – even she wouldn’t get involved in an advertisement this tacky!

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