No ketchup/catsup on (hot) dogs!!!

I couldn’t help but get my chuckle when I stumbled this week on the Facebook page that Vienna Beef uses to advertise its meat products.

Evidence of a 'crime?' Photo provided by Vienna Beef

The staged photo purports to be a hot dog vendor in the act of being arrested for committing the “unspeakable offense” of slathering a hot dog with ketchup.

WHICH, OF COURSE, led to a lengthy and spirited debate over one of the ultimate issues of triviality that people use in an attempt to verify the legitimacy of their Chicago-ness.

Ketchup on the hot dog. Or more like it, a lack of ketchup. As in only a total rube would think to use the icky sweet condiment when eating a sausage. What next – you’re going to argue in favor of those thin crust slices of pizza that New Yawkers think are special because they can be folded in half while you eat them? Don't even get me started on the notion of sauerkraut-smothered hot dogs!

Now before we go any further, I’ll clarify that I personally would never put ketchup on a hot dog. But then again, I don’t put ketchup on anything I eat.

I wasn’t kidding about the “icky sweet” comment. I think anybody who puts ketchup on anything is obliterating the natural flavor of their food. What’s the point of eating a hot dog if you need to smother it in ketchup.

NOW HAVING SAID that, I also think that people have a right to eat whatever they want to. If they want to ruin their hot dog with ketchup, that’s their choice.

Just don’t expect me to argue on your behalf that there’s nothing wrong with your use of ketchup. The “American Way” with all its freedom of expression may defend to the death your right to use ketchup on a hot dog.

But it also defends the right of myself and everybody else who realizes mustard, particularly a sharp spicy one, is truly the only basic condiment of choice to ridicule your ketchup practices to the death.

You use ketchup at your own risk to your culinary reputation. Don’t argue with me otherwise – you brought it on yourself! You’re ridiculed solely because of your own doing.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, I have to admit to the Facebook-oriented debate taking place on this “issue” is kind of scary. At least to the degree to which certain types of people are taking this seriously.

Aren’t there issues much more serious for us to worry about? If anything, I’d be more concerned about the actual content of the “meat” used in putting together hot dogs – just how disgusting is something sold under the “Oscar Mayer” brand name.

And is anything sold under a brand name implying kosher status with a Star of David logo attached truly any more pure a meat product than something sold in the supermarket aisle at a discount price?

Instead, we’re worked up over ketchup. Or maybe “catsup,” as some people persist in wanting to spell the condiment.

NOW I KNOW people who insist on using ketchup who claim it’s the way they’ve always eaten a hot dog going back to childhood. In fact, the Facebook debate included one person defending the use of ketchup as being reminiscent of the grammar school cafeteria when the ‘hot’ lunch was a hot dog with ketchup and mustard.

Personally, I’d think that’s more of an argument against ketchup – there were a lot of disgusting things we ate as kids because we didn’t know better.

Just like my own memories of school lunch included the pizza slices that, to be even then, seemed flavorless with its crumbs of sausage and ketchupy-like sauce – and were a large part of the reason why as a kid I didn’t care for pizza from anywhere. It took the introduction of Due’s later in life to make me realize something significant was missing.

Now for those of you dismissing this argument as trivial, I’ll admit it is. I promise we’ll get back to serious issues in coming days. Although “serious” could easily delve down to the proper composition of an Italian beef sandwich – where I like onions added and think some people go way too overboard with the giardiniera -- and I agree with a one-time editor of mine who insisted that the gyro was made from the worst cuts of meat.

  -30-

A good thing Heinz gets back into mustard – would we want company known for catsup in top hot dog town?

When I read reports about how Kraft Heinz has plans to move one of its corporate offices into Chicago proper, I couldn’t help but think about the company’s efforts to bolster the amount of yellow mustard it manufactures.



Will she be favorite hot dog condiment?

Would we really want to be the home base of a company known for catsup – in light of the fact that many of us Chicagoans find that condiment so repulsive on our take on hot dogs?

FOR THE RECORD, Heinz has long manufactured mustard. But they focused their efforts on making the condiment for sale to food service buyers. You could put Heinz mustard on your food at the local diner or at the ballpark.

But try going to the grocery store, and you’d find shelves filled with French’s mustard; along with various brands of gourmet mustard for those who look down on anything colored yellow.

That is until this year, when Kraft Heinz decided to start selling its mustard products for retail. I’m sure many of us have seen the television commercials where Heinz catsup brings along Heinz mustard, making the previously-available brand all jealous to the point where she blows her stack (and yellow goop gets squirted all over the place).

Now, the Chicago Tribune reports that Kraft Heinz will move one of its corporate headquarters from the suburb of Northfield to Chicago proper – specifically at the Aon Center, 200 E. Randolph St.

CORPORATE EMPLOYEES WILL have a wonderful view of the Millennium Park that I’m sure will make the Chicago office the desirable place of employment (who in their right mind would rather work in an office in Pittsburgh?) within the corporate structure.

As far as Chicago’s public persona is concerned, this is a good thing.

Because while I don’t deny that Chicagoans consume catsup (way too much, I personally find that condiment repulsive and don’t put it on anything I eat), I wouldn’t want it to become one of those products that Rahm Emanuel sees the need to include whenever he makes a bet with another mayor whenever one of our professional sports franchises plays against another for some sort of championship.

Now if we can claim in those bets that we’re putting up Chicago-style hot dogs coated in part with Heinz mustard, that would make it all the more appropriate.



A personal favorite

AND IF IT adds to the corporate image that Chicago likes to offer (being able to attract top companies from around the globe, as opposed to rinky-dink companies that move to places like Indiana), then the city benefits in more ways than one.

It’s just a shame that the city’s leadership can’t be as concerned with bolstering the neighborhood public image as it is that of downtown. But that’s a problem that goes back generations before Emanuel came to office.

So back to mustard, since there will now be a major brand that will have a Chicago association, just as we now claim that the only legitimate hot dog is one of the Vienna Beef brand (although personally, I prefer the hot dogs made by the Bobak Sausage Co. on Archer Avenue).

Although I’m not a total snob on the hot dog question.

FOR AS OFTEN as I have a hot dog minus catsup that contains all the ingredients that turn two wieners into a meal, there also are times when I’m just as likely to give a hot dog some onions (usually raw) and a squirt of mustard.

For those nights when a hot dog just won't cut it

Now, by using the Heinz brand, I can claim to have a truly Chicago “experience” even when I’m doing nothing more than munching on something to tide my appetite when I don’t have time for a full meal.

Like a Chicago-style pan pizza (which I actually had for dinner Wednesday night). As for whether the thin-crust pizza is a more legitimate culinary experience, that is a debate for a future commentary.

  -30-