Is a drink while leering at the strip club as essential as a beer at the ballpark?

I still remember the last time I was in a strip club. Not in Chicago, but it was one of those places that didn’t have a liquor license and didn’t think much of the idea of people bringing their own liquor inside.

Does alcohol really make her attainable?

Hence, they served soft drinks. The group I was with (I seem to recall it was a bachelor party) guzzled down heavily iced (and I suspect watered-down) soda pop. It may well have been diet. It was definitely flat.

CERTAINLY NOT ANYTHING that would have provided the “manly” image we’d like to think we were projecting that night.

I actually do recall one of my colleagues making a public comment to complain about the lack of liquor on the premises.

However, we had engaged in other activities prior to entering the strip club, all of which involved alcoholic beverage consumption. Which is why when one of the strip club staff snapped back, “You guys look like you don’t need another drink,” we had to laugh.

It was true.

SOMEHOW, I CAN’T help but think that response to us is one that many strip club patrons in Chicago need to hear, particularly since city officials are; considering lightening up their opposition to liquor licenses being issued to businesses where the female staff expose their nipples to the public for show.

Some let you bring your own liquor, while others follow the lead of that strip club I was in all those years ago (seriously, once you’ve seen one, there really isn’t much point to making repeat appearances; it’s not like you’re allowed to “touch” the merchandise, unless you’re willing to risk the wrath of the bouncer).

Do you need beer to tolerate bobbled double plays?

Ninth Ward Alderman Anthony Beale says he’s willing to issue liquor licenses to such clubs because he thinks the potential for problems on the premises is worse if people bring their own liquor.

Who knows exactly what they’re bringing with them? And he says he’s aware of instances where people brought gallons of alcoholic beverages with them to consume while they leered (and ONLY leered) at the overly-tattooed ladies.

CHEAP HOOCH, AND easy women. Not a nice combination.

Whereas if you let the clubs sell drinks, they’re going to have to comply with the regulations that come with a liquor license. Plus, they’re going to be serving people watered-down drinks at ridiculously-absurd prices.

You may wind up paying more than the $9 or so that one has to cough up for a beer at the ballpark.

Which is another place where it seems some people think it is a part of the atmosphere to consume alcohol.

I HAVE TO wonder how many people managed to endure the capacity crowd on Friday of Chicago White Sox Opening Day by getting as ripped as their wallets would let them.

How much beer wound up being consumed within U.S. Cellular Field? Was it a combination of the white of beer foam and snow, along with the chill of the temperatures of the air and the beer that resulted in some parts of the crowd to start getting all rowdy that day?

Did these guys check out a strip club following the game?

Will at least some of those people wait anxiously for the day this week when the City Council takes up the strip club liquor license issue? Will Mayor Rahm Emanuel feel compelled to get involved – although I can’t help but believe the mayor’s sarcastic praise last week for aldermen being able to find the time to research the strip club issue was somehow right on the mark.

Personally, I’m not going to be impacted by whatever the council chooses to do. I’m not a strip club regular; I can find enough places where I can’t touch the women on the premises without having to pay for the experience. Having a drink isn’t going to make it feel any less tawdry to me!

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A DAY IN THE LIFE (of Chicago): 1st baseball season injury under the stands?

First injury a firefighter, ...

Should we consider the Chicago firefighter the first injury of the 2016 baseball season in Chicago because he was hurt early Friday while dealing with a fire in a storage room under the stands at U.S. Cellular Field?

Sure enough, one of the firefighters who responded to the call had to be taken to an area hospital for injuries sustained during the fire that was discovered at about 2:30 a.m. at the Armour Square neighborhood stadium.

IT WAS NOT a life-threatening injury, and it would appear the firefighter was treated and released long before you are reading this commentary.

... or Kyle Schwarber?

It also seems the fire was contained to the one room and did not cause significant damage to the stadium. Opening Day on Friday against the Cleveland Indians was not in any way threatened, even though White Sox fans got snowed upon.
 

White Sox fans still got to guzzle too much beer Friday afternoon and complain about those new team caps designed by rapper Chance (be honest, White Sox fans will gripe about anything) while having dreams that the ball club may actually accomplish something this season – what with that 3-1 start they got during their opening four-game series in Oakland against the Athletics, despite Friday's 7-1 loss.

In fact, the injury likely wouldn’t have warranted any public attention if not for its location and timing.

OF COURSE, ALL of this will turn out to be a touch of absurd if it turns out that the real first injury of this season was Thursday night in Phoenix, where Kyle Schwarber of the Chicago Cubs wound up on crutches after crashing into teammate Dexter Fowler.

Schwarber underwent an MRI on Friday and officials learned late in the day he's done for the 2016 season. Can their World Series-oriented fantasies withstand this blow?
 

For what it’s worth, Schwarber’s collision didn’t cost the Cubs a ball game – they won 14-6, giving them their third victory of the season and their 12^th straight win on the road. That ties a team record that had lasted 70 seasons.

What else is new along the southwestern shores of Lake Michigan these days?

DO GENTLEMEN REALLY GO TO SUCH CLUBS?:  I wouldn’t particularly want to live near a strip club – but I also have my suspicions aroused any time churches start complaining about such establishments.

Couldn't they scare the business away?

Such as the Sisters of St. Charles, an order of nuns based in suburban Melrose Park who are upset that the Stone Park-based Allure Gentlemen’s Club is so close to their convent.

They have filed a lawsuit in Cook County Circuit Court trying to get the club closed down, contending that all the sexual suggestiveness taking place on the premises amounts to prostitution. They say their investigator was offered sex for $250!

Although I wonder why the club, which WMAQ-TV was unable to reach for comment, would choose that particular site for their business. You’d think they’d consider having so many nuns nearby a downer for business – perhaps like that moment in the film “Sister Act” when the nuns acted as greeters for the neighborhood dirty book store and wound up making potential customers feel too perverted to actually make a purchase.

THAT WAS MONEY WELL SPENT:  It cost the Chicago Police Board some $500,000 to go through the process of interviewing 39 applicants for the police superintendent position and recommend three of them as finalists.

EMANUEL: Couldn't he have acted for free?

All of which went for naught when Mayor Rahm Emanuel chose to disregard their suggestions and make his own pick – as part of his political grab to let people know who’s really the boss!

The Chicago Sun-Times reported about the money, which covered the cost of bringing out-of-towners to Chicago for interviews and also the expense of background checks.

Which may be a lot of cash for some. Although in a baseball context, it wouldn’t even buy a decent utility infielder for the season.

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