No ketchup/catsup on (hot) dogs!!!

I couldn’t help but get my chuckle when I stumbled this week on the Facebook page that Vienna Beef uses to advertise its meat products.

Evidence of a 'crime?' Photo provided by Vienna Beef

The staged photo purports to be a hot dog vendor in the act of being arrested for committing the “unspeakable offense” of slathering a hot dog with ketchup.

WHICH, OF COURSE, led to a lengthy and spirited debate over one of the ultimate issues of triviality that people use in an attempt to verify the legitimacy of their Chicago-ness.

Ketchup on the hot dog. Or more like it, a lack of ketchup. As in only a total rube would think to use the icky sweet condiment when eating a sausage. What next – you’re going to argue in favor of those thin crust slices of pizza that New Yawkers think are special because they can be folded in half while you eat them? Don't even get me started on the notion of sauerkraut-smothered hot dogs!

Now before we go any further, I’ll clarify that I personally would never put ketchup on a hot dog. But then again, I don’t put ketchup on anything I eat.

I wasn’t kidding about the “icky sweet” comment. I think anybody who puts ketchup on anything is obliterating the natural flavor of their food. What’s the point of eating a hot dog if you need to smother it in ketchup.

NOW HAVING SAID that, I also think that people have a right to eat whatever they want to. If they want to ruin their hot dog with ketchup, that’s their choice.

Just don’t expect me to argue on your behalf that there’s nothing wrong with your use of ketchup. The “American Way” with all its freedom of expression may defend to the death your right to use ketchup on a hot dog.

But it also defends the right of myself and everybody else who realizes mustard, particularly a sharp spicy one, is truly the only basic condiment of choice to ridicule your ketchup practices to the death.

You use ketchup at your own risk to your culinary reputation. Don’t argue with me otherwise – you brought it on yourself! You’re ridiculed solely because of your own doing.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, I have to admit to the Facebook-oriented debate taking place on this “issue” is kind of scary. At least to the degree to which certain types of people are taking this seriously.

Aren’t there issues much more serious for us to worry about? If anything, I’d be more concerned about the actual content of the “meat” used in putting together hot dogs – just how disgusting is something sold under the “Oscar Mayer” brand name.

And is anything sold under a brand name implying kosher status with a Star of David logo attached truly any more pure a meat product than something sold in the supermarket aisle at a discount price?

Instead, we’re worked up over ketchup. Or maybe “catsup,” as some people persist in wanting to spell the condiment.

NOW I KNOW people who insist on using ketchup who claim it’s the way they’ve always eaten a hot dog going back to childhood. In fact, the Facebook debate included one person defending the use of ketchup as being reminiscent of the grammar school cafeteria when the ‘hot’ lunch was a hot dog with ketchup and mustard.

Personally, I’d think that’s more of an argument against ketchup – there were a lot of disgusting things we ate as kids because we didn’t know better.

Just like my own memories of school lunch included the pizza slices that, to be even then, seemed flavorless with its crumbs of sausage and ketchupy-like sauce – and were a large part of the reason why as a kid I didn’t care for pizza from anywhere. It took the introduction of Due’s later in life to make me realize something significant was missing.

Now for those of you dismissing this argument as trivial, I’ll admit it is. I promise we’ll get back to serious issues in coming days. Although “serious” could easily delve down to the proper composition of an Italian beef sandwich – where I like onions added and think some people go way too overboard with the giardiniera -- and I agree with a one-time editor of mine who insisted that the gyro was made from the worst cuts of meat.

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Illinois gave us a low-key Bicentennial

Illinois officially turns 200 years old Monday, and there will be a celebration.

In fact, there have been activities taking place during the past year leading up to this day that are meant to make us fully aware of what a truly intriguing history our state has experienced during those two centuries of existence.

YET I WOULDN’T be the least bit shocked to learn that most of you weren’t the least bit aware of that – or of the activities that will take place at Navy Pier in the name of giving Illinois a proper birthday celebration Monday night.

For perhaps it is the result of the fact that Illinois isn’t exactly the most-unified of states. We’re certainly not Texas, with a strong self-awareness of who we are. Those of us from Illinois most often identify with the particular region of the state that we come from, rather than the notion of Illinois as a whole.

I suspect that has inhibited any true appreciation of Illinois’ existence through all those years. Too many of us probably wonder why any attention is being paid to the rest of Illinois, and not just our home region.

I’m sure I’m just as guilty of this as anyone else. I’m not only Chicago-born, I’m specifically of the South Side (the South Chicago neighborhood, to be exact). I’m just as likely to think of a West Side neighborhood as alien turf as much as something in Southern Illinois.

Bicentennial celebration location historic in its own right

WHILE SOMEONE FROM central Illinois, I’m sure, thinks all of us are alien to his/her experience of what our state is all about.

Personally, I’m inclined to think the significance of Illinois’ existence is the way it has managed to incorporate all these different experiences into a single way of life. Almost as though what makes Illinois unique is that we have figured out a way to incorporate a bit of everybody into our state existence.

From an urban Chicago experience to parts of the state that aren’t too different from Appalachia – and to parts of central Illinois that actually give us those corn fields that too many people think are the entirety of the rural Midwest.

A long-gone part of what made Chicago and Illinois so significant

Then, there’s always the land of Forgottonia – as in the rural western part of the state that got that label as almost a joke of just how isolated it is from the rest of us.

THIS IS THE experience that will be in display Monday night at Navy Pier – where the program will try to give us a taste of bipartisanship (if such a thing can actually exist in Illinois these days). Both Gov. Bruce Rauner and Gov.-elect J.B. Pritzker are expected to be on hand for the festivities.

Unless someone decides to have a political hissy bit and not show up – which always is a possibility.

The Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Kevin Cronin of REO Speedwagon (which got its beginnings as just a band on the local music scene in Champaign) and bluesman Buddy Guy all will be amongst the performers.

We’ll even get acknowledgement of the musical “Hamilton” including Chicago as being amongst the places where it is being performed, and a historic program narrated by Bill Kurtis – whose deep voice is to a certain generation the sound of a quintessential Chicago newsman (unless you’re of the type who was watching Fahey Flynn) instead.

AND SATURDAY NIGHT Live, of sorts, will be included, what with George Wendt and Robert Smigel giving us a riff off their old “Superfans” sketches. Too bad that Mike Ditka himself couldn’t be on hand, what with him still recovering from a recent heart attack.

As for edibles, it should be noted there will be a 1,000-pound birthday cake from Eli’s – the place that many of us think is the ultimate for cheesecake.

Which could lead to questions about why we can’t have deep-dish pizzas – which some like to think is the ultimate local food item. Yet I can already see the problem with its’ inclusion.

We’d get into a serious quarrel over whether or not thin crust is truly more representative of Illinois, and whether it should be cut into slices or squares – a debate that likely will linger on to Illinois’ tricentennial some 100 years from now.

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N.Y. vs. Chgo – Pizza Wars?

It was earlier this summer that we got a dose of good ol’ fashioned Chicago vs. New York brawling when Mayor Rahm Emanuel dared to suggest that Noo Yawkers could learn a lesson or two about mass transit from our very own elevated train system.

A real pizza cut

 

Now, we’re getting another dose of the alleged Big Apple getting all touchy about the Second City – for someone suggesting that Chicago-area variations on pizza are superior to any of those overly greasy slices you buy in New York and that the locals think it’s a big deal that you fold them in half before eating them.

THE LATEST HISSY fit came about when New York Mayor Bill de Blasio’s press secretary insisted on using his Twitter account to post missives proclaiming the superiority of Chicago takes on pizza – specifically the pepperoni pies served at Pequod’s Pizza.

“This is the best pizza in the United States and it’s not close,” the press secretary said this weekend.

Now personally, I’ve never had pizza from Pequod’s. I don’t have a clue whether it’s any good. This may be an instance of a press flack telling the truth (or exaggerating its merits).

The latter being something that political press people often have to do.

BUT THE NEW York Post – the newspaper that once famously felt the need to report that Donald Trump gave his mistress “the best sex (she) ever had – got itself all up-in-arms about this claim, saying of Pequod’s that it was “an amorphous pile of pepperoni and sauce that is purportedly a pie.”

 

1932 may have had a historic baseball moment ...

So now, Chicago and New York and quibble over where one finds the best pizza.

My own opinion is that the concepts of stuffed pizza or deep dish pizza (which aren’t technically the same thing, even though many people erroneously believe they are) are a completely different dish from various types of thin-crust pizza.

Trying to compare them and say which is best is like trying to compare a plate of lasagna with corned beef and cabbage. Differing concepts altogether.

A ‘PAN’ PIZZA is a meal. Yes, you eat it with a knife and fork (only uncivilized types would think otherwise). Thin-crust is junk food. It can be a snack. But thinking of it as a meal is like someone thinking they’re getting significant nutritional value from McDonald’s.

...but 1917 had better Chicago outcome

It just ain’t so.

Now if we want to compare differing types of thin pizza, that’s a whole ‘nuther issue. Although when it comes to comparing thin-crust pizza, the real question is whether it should be cut into triangular slices, or the so-called “party style” cut of squares that supposedly is a Chicago creation from its origins as bar food you eat while the tavern owner sells you as many over-priced beers or other alcoholic beverages as he can before your wallet is cleared out of cash.

On that ground, I argue for the squares.

IT’S JUST SO much easier to handle, and I’ll admit to always finding it somewhat amusing to get one of those dinky corner pieces that is all crust. I usually snatch one up before getting into the more substantive pieces.

And yes, it is a total violation of pizza-eating etiquette to be one of those piggish people who refuses to take any slices with crust and eat up all the middle pieces with toppings.

Is the fold really more appetizing?

Those people who insist on triangular slices and claim there’s a knack to folding your slice properly to avoid it turning into a dripping mess strike me as people more interested in playing with their food, than eating it! For that reason alone, we ought to claim Chicago superiority when it comes to pizza.

Although I have to admit one bit of hesitation to supporting de Blasio’s press secretary on this issue – he’s a Wisconsin native and a Green Bay Packers fan. Which means he took pleasure in their beating the Bears this weekend. Could this be an effort by an adopted New Yorker to sabotage the Chicago image from within?

  -30-

El vs. subway, rather than Sox vs. Yanks. What next? Pizza wars!

The New York Yankees made their annual trip to Chicago’s South Side last week, where they wound up splitting their four-game series against the White Sox. When combined with the two of three games the Yankees won earlier this season in New York, it makes for a 3-4 record the White Sox have for 2017.
 

Rahm smirk sell more papers than Christie carcass?

Not exactly an overpowering by the Bronx Bombers over our Sout’ Side Hit Men.

SO PERHAPS THAT was a factor that caused Noo Yawk types to get all worked up this week in their desire to take pot shots at Chicago; specifically, Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the mass transit system we affectionately refer to as the “el.”

For it seems that on Monday, the New York Times published a commentary written by our mayor that took the attitude there were things that mass transit officials in New York could learn from Chicago.

It ran under the headline, In Chicago, the Trains Actually Run on Time and offered up a statistic that claimed 85 percent of us are satisfied with the way our trains and buses operate. Keep your Mussolini gag to yourself; Chicago trains and buses are fairly reliable and that is important for a mayor.

It also had Rahm saying the reason Chicago’s system isn’t confronted with the problems New York faces (Gov. Andrew Cuomo last week declared a state of emergency for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority) is because our officials emphasize “reliability ahead of expansion.”

IMPLYING THAT NEW York, which has the largest mass transit system in the nation (Chicago is second) has grown wild and out-of-control.

Yanks didn't administer Chgo beat-down, so other issues must occur

Of course, there were those greatly offended that a rube from outside of New York (actually, outside of Manhattan) would dare to know better about anything, That provoked the New York Daily News on Tuesday (a.k.a., Independence Day) to put Rahm on the front page of the paper.

A quarter century later, and CTA still going strong

The Daily News could have gone with front page photos of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s carcass sitting on a lawn chair on the public beach he had ordered closed to the public. But they thought Emanuel would sell more papers, running under the headline Dumb Track Mind and also reminding people, “AT LEAST our riders don’t get SHOT on the way home!”

Which means if there’s really a sense of cosmic justice or bad karma, there will be a shooting incident on board a subway car somewhere in the Bronx.

NOT THAT I’M hoping for such an incident. But for a newspaper that contends its provocative front page layouts are intended to sell papers for people who make an impulse purchase while walking by a newsstand or news box, I just can’t see where Rahm’s goofy smirk really does much to inspire New York news interest.

Besides, for all the things that people can complain about Chicago, one has to admit that our mass transit system does work fairly well – particularly when one considers how old it is.

Some 125 years, with parts of it dating back a century. The basic concept in moving large numbers of people around various parts of Chicago isn’t that radically different than the days when Al Capone was a living, breathing human being in these parts.

It also is one of the things I miss about life in the city proper, and why on those occasions when I return to Chicago proper I make a point of relying upon mass transit to move about.

ANYBODY WHO SERIOUSLY pays $35-40 to park their car for an hour or so in downtown Chicago is a fool. Our mass transit is one of the things our beloved Second City is doing right!

For what it’s worth, my guess is that this outburst (which Emanuel himself is managing to laugh off) is just the usual New York vs. Chicago rivalry; a holdover from when they really were the two largest cities in the country and where Chicago maintains a significance regardless of how much larger Los Angeles may ever become.

A hefty meal, and not junk food

Perhaps if the Yankees could have swept the four-game series against the White Sox, the need to dump on Chicago over mass transit might have been reduced.

Then again, we’ll always have pizza to quarrel over – particularly with those individuals who seriously look at those flimsy slices sold in Brooklyn and can’t see the superiority of something from Uno’s or Lou Malnati’s.

  -30-

EDITOR’S NOTE: As for the Daily News claim that Chicago is the "murder capital," these days St. Louis has the highest homicide rate in the nation, with some 60.37 slayings per 100,000 people compared to 18.6 for Chicago (and 7 for New York).

Maybe we can fight over pies?

I can envision already the fight that’s going to occur next spring. There’s bound to be someone who gets all worked up over the state’s financial problems being ignored because our state legislators are quarrelling over the merits of pumpkin pie.

 

The dessert that’s supposed to be a part of every Thanksgiving Day meal (to the point where I wonder if anyone really eats it any other time of the year?) is going to be the focus of a bill now pending in the Illinois House of Representatives.

 

STATE REP. KEITH Sommer, R-Morton, says the bulk of canned pumpkin used to make many pies in this nation is produced in central Illinois. Hence, he wants the designation of the pumpkin pie as the Official State Pie of Illinois.

 

He told the Associated Press that it will promote the business interest of the Nestle plant in his legislative district, and is universal enough that the whole state ought to take pride in this fact!

 

Personally, I always thought some people took such designations too seriously. I don’t see that it makes much difference on any level that popcorn is the Official State Snack of Illinois.

 

Although discussing the merits of popcorn or pumpkins is bound to be easier than trying to figure out the intricacies of how the state needs to fund the pension programs in a way that won’t drive Illinois both bankrupt and financially destitute.

 

FOR WHAT IT’S worth, only one other state has an Official State Pie – Florida, which takes claim to giving us key lime pie.

 

But Maine has as its Official State Dessert blueberry pie, provided it is made with wild Maine blueberries – which happen to be the Official State Fruit. While Massachusetts has the Boston Cream pie as its Official State Dessert, while Vermont has apple pie and both Texas and Oklahoma claim pecan pie.

 

Is that the focus of the next interstate brawl?

 

For the record, Utah’s Official State Snack is Jell-O, but that’s a topic for another day’s commentary.

 

ALL THE TIME and effort that went into making such designations – couldn’t it have been used more productively? Then again, political people will always go for the trivial if it gives them potential to pontificate on a subject without putting anyone at risk.

 

I remember a couple of decades ago an actual political brawl at the Illinois Statehouse when a Springfield-based legislator tried to give recognition to chili (which is the Official State Dish of Texas). Only she used a local quirk in spelling it “chilli” (remember Dan Quayle’s “potatoe”?), which provoked a debate intense enough that you’d have thought life on Planet Earth as we know it was about to end.

 

But back to the pumpkin pie, which I have noticed seems to have an overrated rep when it comes to its edibility.

 

Personally, I don’t mind it. I’ll have an occasional piece (if I ate other fattening foods as infrequently as I do the pumpkin pie, I probably wouldn’t have the gut I have developed throughout the years).

 

ALTHOUGH I HAVE seen Thanksgiving celebrations where people acknowledge the presence of the pumpkin pie, then refuse to eat any of it. Too much of it gets thrown away uneaten.

 

Is that really what we want to honor?

 

I also stumbled across a story published last month by the Slate.com website that picked a dessert for each state, and said that Illinois’ state dessert, so to speak, is brownies – which originally were created for the World’s Fair in Chicago in 1893.

 

Although I can think of another potential brawl over an Official State Pie for Illinois. Let’s not forget that pizza is technically a “pie.” It might not be dessert, but we’d probably be better off if we laid back on the sweet stuff.

 

THERE CAN BE no more filling of a meal than a slice of stuffed pizza, particularly if you have a decent salad to go along with it.

 

Perhaps that’s the direction our officials ought to focus on in terms of making designations about what we eat.

 

  -30-

Pizza at the zoo? I don’t think so

Pizza, as far as I’m concerned, is one of those odd foods. It’s not always worth getting.

I'll take the corner slice

If we’re talking about a pie that was freshly made and is eaten while still piping hot, then sure. I don’t even mind a cold slice that happens to be left over from that pie.

BUT WHEN I happen to encounter a snack stand at some event and see that they’re offering up pizza as one of their menu choices, I rarely bother to get it. Too much is lost in the translation of having to produce a large mass of slices available for people to munch on – rather than on focusing on trying to make an individual pizza that is worth consuming.

So excuse me for getting a giggle at the reports this week that the Lincoln Park Zoo has reached agreement with a new company to sell pizza slices to those people who are visiting the world-class zoo and whose appetite has not been killed off by the aromas of various substances generated by the animals after they have eaten.

People who want pizza at the zoo can now claim that they are eating pizza from Aurelio’s, a suburban Homewood-based chain whose fanatics will claim it to be the best pizza one could ever consume.

I know because I can recall high school being surrounded by those people (I attended a South Holland-based high school that had – still has, actually, an Aurelio’s located one block away from campus) who thought I was insane for the fact that I didn’t care for the product.

EVEN BY PIZZA standards, there was just too much grease – to the point where it overwhelmed the pizza toppings, rather than enhanced them.

Now, zoo-goers are going to get to share that same experience, in between staring at the animals occupying space that I’m sure makes real estate developers drool while fantasizing about what kind of monstrosity they would build on the land – if ever given the chance!

I noticed in statements that Aurelio’s officials are saying their bringing their “special pizza-making processes” to the zoo. I don’t know what those special things are. But it could be what makes the difference between a slice of pizza that bears a resemblance to the restaurant, and something covered in gobs of cheese that tastes no different than what you’d buy in the frozen foods aisle of whatever supermarket you prefer to peruse.

Calling it “Aurelio’s” pizza could be the equivalent of deceptive advertising – albeit one that Aurelio’s approves of because it puts the name out there.

IT’S NOT GOING to be something that gets me out to the zoo anytime soon.

Having a brand-name pizza isn’t even going to be what gets me out to U.S. Cellular Field this season. I’ll go to a ballgame or two in 2014. But the fact that they now also have a deal with a local pizzeria isn’t that big a deal.

In the case of the Chicago White Sox, it is Beggar’s Pizza that is operating the concessions stands that sell pizza slices. Now I’ll admit to preferring Beggar’s to Aurelio’s (something about those extra-large chunks of toppings – particularly sausage – makes their pizza interesting).

But I’m not optimistic that the same taste will translate to the ballpark. It may be even further off-the-mark from Aurelio’s at the zoo. Although it’s going to have to be better than the DiGiorno frozen pizza brand that was sold at the ballpark in recent seasons.

ALTHOUGH THE KEY to getting a pizza worth anything may well be to stop off at a Lou Malnati’s restaurant after the ballgame/zoo trip. Although perhaps a deep-dish or pan pizza is a totally different type of food item.

That is, unless you have a neighborhood place nearby that has the absolute best pizza cut into squares that one could ever find – and which nobody else knows a thing about.

Those are usually the best, and can’t be replicated anywhere else.

  -30-

EDITOR’S NOTE: My personal fave from a pizza are those bite-sized slices you get from the corners of a round pizza cut into squares.

Worrying about ‘tallest building’ status? We’re acting like batch of rubes

Do you want the ultimate evidence that the concept of “New York sophistication” is a myth?

I’d say we’re getting it these days from those New York interests who are arguing so intently to have the status of “tallest building in the United States” placed on the new World Trade Center that is soon to be complete.

OF COURSE, IF that structure (built on the site of the REAL World Trade Center that collapsed in flames from the impact of two aircraft hijacked by religious extremists in the name of Allah) gets the “tallest building” status, it means that the Willis Tower, our very own, will be diminished to second-rate.

There actually was time spent last week by the members of the Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat – which held hearings in our city to hear the arguments so they can reach a verdict in this extremely crucial (sarcasm intended) matter.

We had a lot of people get all worked up, thinking that their civic pride is somehow at stake. A classic Chicago vs. New York battle. Although anybody with sense realizes the ultimate Chicago vs. New York fight would be a World Series involving our cities ball clubs – and we’re behind (a win in 1917, losses in 1932 and 1938) in that department!

But back to buildings. As far as I can tell, it seems that the argument from New York amounts to the concept that the country’s tallest building MUST BE in that city, particularly since it is at the World Trade Center site.

IT WOULD BE evidence of our national supremacy that the tallest building would arise from the ashes of the bad memories of Sept. 11, 2001.

The ultimate Chicago victory over N.Y.

Except that anybody who believes that is just being ridiculous. If anything, I wonder if this nonsense-talk winds up trivializing the memories of what happened that day 12 years ago – perhaps even more than all the trivial nonsense emanating from Boston these days that desperately wants to believe that the Red Sox’ World Series victory this year was something the city was entitled to following the explosion at the Boston Marathon that killed a few and wounded many others.

Boston Strong!, my butt.


You have to admit, it's a bit much

Except that some of the talk coming from Chicago interests is coming across just as silly.
 

THE DEGREE TO which some people seem prepared to fight to ensure that Willis remains on top of the heap.

Personally, I think the greater blow to the building’s image was when it lost its long-time “Sears Tower” name (even though that’s what I still think of it as). “Willis” just brings up to many dinky jokes about the “Diff’rent Strokes” television show.

I still wonder if an “Arnold Tower” (about half the height of Willis) will someday be built a couple of blocks away.

For the record, I’ll concede the simple fact. It’s the decorative ornamentation atop the new World Trade Center that would give it a claim to “tallest” building. The top floor of Willis Center is higher in the sky than the top floor of World Trade.

YET I DON’T think it matters much. And I think the people getting worked up on both sides are being silly. Chicago won't have one less homicide this year, or one more baseball victory, if the "tallest building" status stays here.

Now if we really wanted to respond to this in a true Chicago style, we’d try to one-up the new World Trade Center. We’d find a developer who’d come in and build a new gigantic skyscraper that would put World Trade in its place.

Perhaps it could even top those skyscrapers being built in Arab and Asian nations that have the title of “World’s Tallest” building. THAT was the distinction that should have gotten people all worked up when Chicago lost it.

But I’m realistic enough to know that no one’s going to build anything like that anytime soon in Chicago.

"Tallest building" status won't change what happened here

 

IT JUST WOULDN’T be practical. It would create a heck of a lot more vacant office-space that would wind up going unused.

And harming our own local economy just to prove a point about tall buildings? That would make us look even more absurd than the Noo Yawkers who these days are obsessed about World Trade Center’s status in the nation.

  -30-

 

EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm not touching the battle of which city has the better pizza. I don't think that thin crust stuff peddled as New York pizza is anything special, but the whole concept of "deep dish" is a completely different foodstuff that really ought not to be compared to it on any level.

Derrick Rose the face of Chicago pizza?

It amused me to learn Thursday that Chicago Bulls star player Derrick Rose has become a significant owner, and will now be the face of, Giordano’s pizza.

For me, it is just too much of a stretch to have to associate his name with those deep dish or stuffed pies. While I know this statement will make me sound like an antique, I can’t help but think that I was eating Giordano’s pizzas long before there ever was a Derrick Rose.

I MEAN THAT literally. The Bulls star who is trying to resuscitate his athletic career from torn ligaments wasn’t even born yet back when I first had a Giordano’s brand pizza.

The idea that a company that has been around Chicago for as long as Giordano’s (some four-plus decades) is turning to a ballplayer to promote its image (athletic careers are so unstable and can come crashing down at a moment’s notice) just strikes me as bizarre.

It’s not a slam against Rose – who is the local-boy favorite who made it out of Englewood to stardom until his injury. But what happens when Rose’s career is over?

Is Giordano’s now the company whose billboards have a blank space (insert face of fly-by-night athlete here) for their self-promotion?

ALTHOUGH I HAVE to confess, it must be nice to have the kind of money to buy one-self a brand-name product to associate with their own image. Crain’s Chicago Business reported that Rose paid an undisclosed amount for his share of the company, which he’d like to see become more of a national player on the restaurant scene.

Which just might be possible, on account of the fact that whenever I travel outside of Chicago, I have no problems finding restaurants that offer “Chicago-style pizza” – only to find out that those pizzas bear no resemblance to anything that any self-respecting Chicago consumer would ever consider consuming.

No matter how hungry they might be.

A chain of Giordano’s, done right, could well spread the concept of real deep dish or stuffed pizzas to other parts of the nation.

IT COULD ALSO make Rose so wealthy, if done right, that he doesn’t have to worry about ever playing ball again – except to assuage his ego.

Now for all of you who are on the verge of sending me e-mail messages telling me something along the lines of “Giordano’s sucks!!!,” I don’t need to hear it.

I never proclaimed it to be the best pizza.

But back when I was a kid, pizza largely was a thin-crust offering. The quality deep-dish came from Uno’s or Due’s – which meant a trip downtown. That’s not always convenient when one decides to indulge in the slices that are a meal in-and-of themselves.

GIORDANO’S WAS THE place that had so many locations that you could get a passable pizza pie without having to make a long trip.

I still remember the location of the Giordano’s I first ate at – and my mouth still waters whenever I go near it, even though now it is a long-vacant storefront. Giordano’s left there a while back.

Now, I have moved up, and consider myself fortunate to live near a Lou Malnati’s restaurant that will deliver.

I do find it a little humorous that Rose won’t be able to do any kind of business tie-in between himself, Giordano’s and the Chicago Bulls. The NBA team, after all, has a business deal with DiGiorno’s – those frozen pizzas that like to think they’re some sort of gourmet delicacy.

FROZEN PIZZA IS frozen pizza – regardless of the details. Let’s just hope that Giordano’s doesn’t decline to the level of the last Chicago athlete who tried to make extra money from pizzas sold in his image.

Because the concept of Ron Santo’s Pizza was foul enough that, perhaps, the one-time Chicago Cubs third baseman deserved a lengthy delay getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame for that reason alone.

  -30-

A DAY IN THE LIFE (of Chicago): Did police violate Obama celebration?

Too many conservative pundits wanted to believe all those Obama fanatics were going to turn Grant Park into a riot scene on Election Night. Yet a lawsuit filed this week in U.S. District Court claims abusive behavior that night occurred on the part of the police.

A family that lives in the vicinity of Central Park and Chicago avenues (the West Side) filed the lawsuit Thursday. The lawsuit claims that when area residents went outside that night to cheer and run around upon learning of Obama’s electoral victory, police came into the neighborhood and used pepper spray to try to calm things down.

THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE reported that one group of neighborhood residents had a whole canister thrown into their group, which caused one member to do his best “war movie” impersonation when a grenade lands in his midst.

The person allegedly threw the pepper spray canister back at the police.

The end result, according to the lawsuit, was a chase on foot, with police kicking down the front door of a residence, pinning the family members of that house to the floor, and uttering (Surprise!) racial epithets.

The lawsuit accuses police of committing acts that constitute a “hate crime,” and seeks $200,000 in damages.

CHICAGO POLICE ISSUED a statement saying they don’t condone “hate crimes,” adding that the Independent Police Review Authority is investigating the incident.

This incident is going to come down to whether the police had any legitimate reason to be in that neighborhood and use pepper spray. Because the simple fact is that the law does give police the legal authority to use some force, and the person who threw that pepper spray canister back at police likely gave “Chicago’s Finest” the legal authority for all their other forceful behavior that night.

That includes (http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2008/11/police-sued-for-election-night-incident.html) kicking down the door of a family’s home.

What other nuggets of news took place Thursday in the Second City (which is really third)?

I’M STARTING TO THINK LIKE A GROUCHY OLD MAN: The Chicago Transit Authority is raising the fares for bus and elevated train service, while also talking about laying off about 200 employees.

Those two acts strike me as being contradictory. Cutting staff results in less service, which makes CTA service less attractive to would-be customers. That means fewer riders, which means yet another round of fare hikes at some point in the future.

Under the measure approved by the Chicago Transit Board on Thursday, fare cards will rise Jan. 1 from $1.75 to $2 per ride. A ride paid for by rail transit card will go from $2 to $2.25. (http://www.chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?id=31816) For those who use the Chicago Card program to pay for rides, bus fare will go to $2 and rail fare will be $2.25 per ride.

Seeing those fares makes me feel old, since I can still remember using the “el” trains and buses to get all over Chicago back when I was in college, knowing that a ride would cost $1 (and that included the cost of a transfer). Of course, that was also back in the days when people used tokens, rather than those danged fare cards.

HOW MANY TITLES CAN SHE GO THROUGH?: Patti Solis Doyle, a longtime political operative in her own right and the sister of Alderman Danny Solis, is likely to get yet another job title.

Doyle was the campaign manager for Hillary Clinton’s failed bid who got replaced early this year. Eventually, she was hired by the Obama presidential campaign to be a chief of staff for the then-yet-unchosen vice presidential nominee.

But VP-elect Joe Biden was bound to want to pick his own chief of staff, and on Thursday he announced that Indianapolis native Ron Klain (http://www.indystar.com/article/20081113/NEWS0502/81113028) will get the job of being the “brains” behind the man with the job title.

For her part, Doyle is being considered for a liaison position to a cabinet secretary, which would make her one of the people who really knows what is going on in an Obama administration, and uses that knowledge to prop up the presidency.

SWISHER GETS FATE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WOOD’S YEARS AGO: Chicago White Sox outfielder Nick Swisher (the journeyman that some people had delusions would become a star this year) achieved the wildest fantasy of many a professional baseball player – he’s now a New York Yankee.

The White Sox traded Swisher and a minor league prospect to the legendary baseball franchise from the Bronx for three minor league ballplayers – two of whom supposedly (http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081113&content_id=3678194&vkey=hotstove2008&fext=.jsp) have the potential to someday become quality pitchers.

Swisher was not the only ballplayer to say “goodbye” to Chicago. Cubs’ pitcher Kerry Wood (the never-was superstar who once struck out 20 hitters in a single game) was told by team management that his time in Chicago was over after a decade – even though he had previously shown a willingness to stay in this city even if it meant less money.

So now, Wood is looking for employment in professional baseball. It’s too bad he couldn’t have made the move to New York a few years ago. I’m always going to wonder (http://www.nbcchicago.com/sports/baseball/Waving-Farewell-To-Two-Chicago-Fan-Favorites.html) how much being a Cub retarded Wood’s career, and if he could have avoided injuries in New York and been the key to another pennant or two flying over Yankee Stadium.

PIZZA PARTY NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE?: He’s not quite turning the Inaugural Ball into a pizza party, but President-elect Barack Obama apparently wants some of his favorite pizza on hand in the District of Columbia.

The family Obama likes to order out from Italian Fiesta Pizzeria, a neighborhood carryout joint, and owner Patti-Harris Tubbs says she received a call from the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Washington, placing an order for a couple dozen pizzas for an inaugural expo to be held Thursday at the hotel.

Not that she’s going to be shipping them to D.C. (what do you tip a delivery driver who makes a 1,000-mile trip?). She’s waiting for another call from the hotel, where she will (http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/heraldnews/news/1277590,4_1_JO13_PIZZA_S1.article) receive instructions on coming to Washington to help the hotel’s gourmet chefs recreate the pizzas.

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“Whole wheat” pizza isn’t worth high prices charged at Taste of Chicago

I have never been a fan of the Taste of Chicago, the nearly three-decade-old food festival whose 2008 incarnation began Friday.

The annual event that is supposed to give the unique assortment of restaurants in Chicago a chance to show off their custom items is really nothing more than an opportunity to overpay for bite-sized morsels of pizza and barbecue.

NOW SOME PEOPLE are more than comfortable trotting out to Grant Park in the July heat of a Chicago summer to eat these items that I can order up just about any time I want.

Personally, I will avoid the park for the next 10 or so days, until after the Taste of Chicago is complete and the crews have removed all the trash (which leaves such a lingering aroma of unpleasantness that wafts its way into the Loop proper).

The Taste of Chicago’s food fare is too predictable.

Fair officials this year are promoting pizza as one of the unique food items. Specifically, they are touting the pizza by Connie’s Pizza, which is making some slices with a special whole-wheat crust – claiming it to be a healthier food choice than “regular” pizza.

I DON’T HAVE a problem with pizza crust made by whole wheat dough. I have had it on occasion, and it has a nice texture to it. But it is not the kind of item that I will make a special trip for (and have to pay Taste of Chicago-type prices).

And for those who take offense to the notion of eating any version of pizza that pretends to be healthy, be assured that there will be plenty of more conventional versions of pizza for sale from many other vendors at the Taste of Chicago.

How ridiculous are the event’s prices?

In theory, tickets for the Taste of Chicago (which must be used to purchase food – vendors don’t take cash or charge cards) cost little more than $0.60 apiece.

BUT TICKETS ARE not sold individually. They are sold in strips of 11 – at a cost of $7 per strip. Even then, most food items cost anywhere from five to eight tickets apiece, which means that a single strip isn’t going to get one much more than a lone bite or two of something greasy.

Multiple strips must be purchased, and that is just if one comes alone. Bringing a friend adds to the expense. A group of three can easily go through $50-60 to spend a couple of hours tasting a few food items – then have to spend more money to eat elsewhere because the portions were so small that they weren’t all that filling.

And what’s worse is that I have never been able to see anyone manage to use every single ticket. It is all too common to be left with a stray ticket or two – which means returning to the Taste of Chicago for a second day (and more money spent on ticket strips).

The mystery of the number of tickets sold on a Taste of Chicago strip ranks right up there with the question of why hot dog buns are sold in packages of eight, while hot dogs often come in packs of seven.

CROWDS ALSO CAN make a mess of the Taste of Chicago, particularly on Thursday of this coming week – when the combination of overpriced food and an elaborate Day-before-Independence Day fireworks show will cause more than 1 million people to cram their way onto the Chicago lakefront.

That is the day to avoid Chicago at all costs, unless your life is not complete without pyrotechnics.

But even on the other nine days of the Taste of Chicago, the mass of people can be overwhelming.

I still remember the Taste of Chicago from 1998, when then-Democratic gubernatorial nominee Glenn Poshard tried to use the summer festival (which is billed as Chicago’s preeminent outdoor event of the year) to get the urban people of Chicago to accept his Southern Illinois ways.

AS A REPORTER-type person with the old United Press International, I was working that day – following Poshard around as he tried to mingle with the masses.

Yet it quickly became obvious that the event was overwhelming. Poshard himself ate nothing more than an ice cream cone, and seemed bewildered that so many people could convene in such a small space for the explicit purpose of eating greasy junk food.

His reaction might very well be evidence that he had a strain of common sense.

AS MUCH AS I can enjoy crowds (a capacity group in a sports stadium doesn’t freak me out in the least), the sense just exists that the Taste of Chicago has no taste whatsoever.

If I really want to experience some of the unique culinary experiences of Chicago, I’ll get in the car (or figure out how to take the “el” or a CTA bus) to try out some of the unique restaurants located in the neighborhoods.

If I am able to find one new restaurant this summer in Chicago that serves me a truly unique meal, then I will consider that a much more worthwhile experience than spending a couple of hours at the Taste of Chicago.

AND FOR THOSE people who just have to experience some time in Grant Park this summer at a public event, I’d suggest trying the music festivals.

The Chicago Blues Festival has already passed, but the gospel, Latin music and jazz festivals all are coming up this summer and will offer one a much more pleasing (and less grubby) way of spending an evening in downtown Chicago.

I’m actually looking forward to hearing the skilled saxophone playing of Ornette Coleman, who aside from being thoroughly enjoyable any time of the year is scheduled to be the highlighted musical act performing on my birthday.

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EDITOR’S NOTES: It may sound interesting that Stevie Wonder, Bonnie Raitt and Chaka Khan all will perform at the Taste of Chicago. The only problem is that the stages (http://egov.cityofchicago.org/city/webportal/portalEntityHomeAction.do?entityName=Taste+of+Chicago&entityNameEnumValue=166) where the music is performed usually get lost amidst the mass of greasy food.

Soldiers in Iraq will get to experience a piece of the Taste of Chicago, as Lou Malnati’s (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5heP2QK8kxePru5jZ5U1nZHGqBXtgD91H21280) pizzeria has arranged to ship up to 3,000 of the pizzas they’re selling at the food festival to the troops.