For
the Charles Atlas bodybuilding plan of old allegedly gave you the kind of
muscles that would let you beat up the bully AND get the babe in the bikini.
I
HAVE LOST count of the number of e-mail appeals he has sent out advising us
that he needs our money (in the form of campaign contributions) so as to beat
up on the bully otherwise known as Sen. Richard Durbin.
To
“Dump Durbin,” we need to give our money to the multi-millionaire who isn’t
willing to pump in millions of dollars at a time (including another $1.5
million as recently as Friday) of his own money into his campaign fund.
I
wonder how Bruce Rauner is going to feel when he realizes he spent so many millions
to gain a job that pays under $200,000 per year and comes with a house that is
in desperate need of a rehab.
But
back to Oberweis, the millionaire businessman, dairy farmer and ice cream
parlor operator (he does make a good banana ice cream, if I may say so myself)
who I’m almost surprised doesn’t put together a campaign ad showing someone
kicking sand in his face – so he can deliver that blow to the jaw to Durbin on
Election Day.
I’M
GETTING ALL worked up about Oberweis because of the e-mail message from his
campaign that I woke up to Monday morning. He wants $25 (or larger)
contributions from us.
In
return, he’ll send us a yard sign that we can put in front of our residences to
promote his campaign.
Actually,
it doesn’t tout Oberweis, as much as tells people not to vote for Durbin.
His
campaign staff took the old slogan of the British government – “Keep Calm and
Carry On” – to motivate the people to keep up their morale in the face of
attacks from Nazi-run Germany.
OBERWEIS
WANTS ILLINOIS voters to “Keep Calm and Dump Durbin.” Which sounds more absurd
than anything else.
If
we truly were keeping calm, we wouldn’t feel the need to change much of
anything. We certainly wouldn’t dump anything. Oberweis wants us to calm down,
then act rashly.
It’s
like that old “Hurry Up and Wait” cliché that is meant to mock wasted effort,
rather than inspire serious activity.
The
yard signs Oberweis offers up (at least according to the fundraising e-mail
message I received) would even depict a British crown, which I guess is meant
to bring to mind the original British slogan.
ALTHOUGH
IT MAKES me wonder if Oberweis thinks he’s some form of Illinois royalty. Does that
mean that if he gets elected, we would have a queen from Florida. Let’s not forget
that the missus doesn’t actually live here anymore. She prefers the Southern
sunshine.
The
whole yard sign concept seems silly. The idea that we’re being asked to pay for
it comes across as tacky. And then he wonders why, even in the most favorable
poll taken to date, he’s losing by 6 percentage points!
The
problem here is that Oberweis thinks the fact he operates stores offering
quality dairy products makes him fit to represent Illinois in Washington, D.C.,
when he’d rather be the guy barking orders at minions and looking down upon
some of us.
He
had no problem in a past campaign being the bully who wanted to single out all
those foreigners who don’t (as far as he was concerned) belong in this country.
BUT
NOW WHEN that campaign ad of him flying over Soldier Field in a helicopter
(claiming undocumented foreigners would fill the stadium full every day) is
brought up, he says he’s sorry – even though he still stands behind the basic
sentiment on immigration reform.
In
short, don’t criticize him. He doesn’t want to hear it!
What
would it take for Illinoisans to dump Oberweis from the niche he has developed
for himself – that of being a perpetual candidate whom nobody outside of the
people living near Sugar Grove have ever actually voted into public office.
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