Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Oberweis wants us to pay him to promote his political campaign

Republican Senate hopeful James Oberweis wants us to think of him as the scrawny guy getting sand kicked in his face by the big, muscular bully in those ads of old that used to appear in comic books.

For the Charles Atlas bodybuilding plan of old allegedly gave you the kind of muscles that would let you beat up the bully AND get the babe in the bikini.

I HAVE LOST count of the number of e-mail appeals he has sent out advising us that he needs our money (in the form of campaign contributions) so as to beat up on the bully otherwise known as Sen. Richard Durbin.

To “Dump Durbin,” we need to give our money to the multi-millionaire who isn’t willing to pump in millions of dollars at a time (including another $1.5 million as recently as Friday) of his own money into his campaign fund.

I wonder how Bruce Rauner is going to feel when he realizes he spent so many millions to gain a job that pays under $200,000 per year and comes with a house that is in desperate need of a rehab.

But back to Oberweis, the millionaire businessman, dairy farmer and ice cream parlor operator (he does make a good banana ice cream, if I may say so myself) who I’m almost surprised doesn’t put together a campaign ad showing someone kicking sand in his face – so he can deliver that blow to the jaw to Durbin on Election Day.

I’M GETTING ALL worked up about Oberweis because of the e-mail message from his campaign that I woke up to Monday morning. He wants $25 (or larger) contributions from us.

In return, he’ll send us a yard sign that we can put in front of our residences to promote his campaign.

Actually, it doesn’t tout Oberweis, as much as tells people not to vote for Durbin.

His campaign staff took the old slogan of the British government – “Keep Calm and Carry On” – to motivate the people to keep up their morale in the face of attacks from Nazi-run Germany.

OBERWEIS WANTS ILLINOIS voters to “Keep Calm and Dump Durbin.” Which sounds more absurd than anything else.

If we truly were keeping calm, we wouldn’t feel the need to change much of anything. We certainly wouldn’t dump anything. Oberweis wants us to calm down, then act rashly.

It’s like that old “Hurry Up and Wait” cliché that is meant to mock wasted effort, rather than inspire serious activity.

The yard signs Oberweis offers up (at least according to the fundraising e-mail message I received) would even depict a British crown, which I guess is meant to bring to mind the original British slogan.

ALTHOUGH IT MAKES me wonder if Oberweis thinks he’s some form of Illinois royalty. Does that mean that if he gets elected, we would have a queen from Florida. Let’s not forget that the missus doesn’t actually live here anymore. She prefers the Southern sunshine.

The whole yard sign concept seems silly. The idea that we’re being asked to pay for it comes across as tacky. And then he wonders why, even in the most favorable poll taken to date, he’s losing by 6 percentage points!

The problem here is that Oberweis thinks the fact he operates stores offering quality dairy products makes him fit to represent Illinois in Washington, D.C., when he’d rather be the guy barking orders at minions and looking down upon some of us.

He had no problem in a past campaign being the bully who wanted to single out all those foreigners who don’t (as far as he was concerned) belong in this country.

BUT NOW WHEN that campaign ad of him flying over Soldier Field in a helicopter (claiming undocumented foreigners would fill the stadium full every day) is brought up, he says he’s sorry – even though he still stands behind the basic sentiment on immigration reform.

In short, don’t criticize him. He doesn’t want to hear it!

What would it take for Illinoisans to dump Oberweis from the niche he has developed for himself – that of being a perpetual candidate whom nobody outside of the people living near Sugar Grove have ever actually voted into public office.


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