Who knew Flying Wallendas were still around? They’ll be in Chicago soon

Perhaps it’s because I’m not 9 years old any more,

 

But the word this week that a member of the Flying Wallenda family (of generations of circus fame) will walk across a high-wire erected over the Chicago River just doesn’t raise me to the levels of amazement that some would expect.

 

IT SEEMS THE Discovery Channel is planning a live broadcast for Nov. 2, with that high-wire erected from one of the buildings of the Marina Towers (the corn cobs just north of the river) across the river to the Leo Burnett Building (which was where some of the real-life ‘Mad Men’ worked back in the day).

 

To make the event seem more daring, we’re told that it will be an uphill walk, and not during any ideal weather conditions. It will be the heart of autumn by then. It will be windy. It will be chilly.

 

Nik Wallenda – who is seventh generation performer from the Wallenda family – could easily have something go drastically wrong, which could result in him plunging into the Chicago River.

 

Even if he survived the fall’s impact, exposure to the contamination in that river alone would be enough to kill him.

 

PROMOTERS ARE MAKING a point of saying there won’t be any safety nets or harnesses to protect him if he should slip. The Discovery Channel, I’m sure, is counting on getting significant exposure. Particularly since officials say the program will be broadcast in 220 countries around the globe.

 

Great. The whole wide world will know of the nonsense taking place in Chicago.

 

I don’t doubt that Nik Wallenda is putting himself at some physical risk by undertaking such a stunt. I’m also sure he has the training (whatever that may be) to attempt such a stunt and have hopes of completing it still alive.

 

But the idea of walking a wire across the river at significant height doesn’t move me.

 

IN FACT, IT just seems so retro. My initial reaction to learning of the stunt was that it seemed like something from the past.

 

As though something a daredevil-type would have tried back in 1914, to the amazement of the crowds below – many of whom would have been anxious to see him fall and plunge to his demise, while thinking to him (or her)self. “Fool got what he deserved.”

 

Maybe I’m just too old – a year shy of 50 – to appreciate the “thrill” of the moment.

 

It certainly seems to fall far short of the stunt I remember from childhood – back in 1974 when motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel tried to jump the Snake River Canyon in Idaho.

 

KNIEVEL, WHO ATTEMPTED 75 ramp-to-ramp jumps and suffered 433 bone fractures during his career as a stunt-man, failed in that stunt – even though he was flying in a steam-powered rocket. I still remember the over-hype of that particular moment.

 

It seemed so incredible back then. Then again, it was my generation that also got all worked up when “Fonzie” jumped his motorcycle over all those garbage cans (only to crash into the Arnolds’ chicken stand). Watching those “Happy Days” re-runs comes across these days as more insipid than these daredevil stunts.

 

Personally, I’ll wish this Wallenda all the success in his stunt, but mostly because I don’t want my home city to become known as being the site where Nik met his demise.

 

We already have too many knuckleheads who came to their end in our fair city; all in an attempt to amuse the locals on a slow Sunday. It’s just a good thing the Chicago Bears have that particular weekend off, because otherwise nobody would care about the Wallenda stunt.

 

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EXTRA: Peter Gunn, redux. Or not!

Wednesday was one of those days I wish I had been carrying a broadcast-quality recording device. Although the moment I would have captured would not have been a “pleasant” one.

It was the sight, and sound, of Rick Bryant, a long-time aide and now Chief of Staff to Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr., D-Ill., in south suburban Harvey – where officials held ceremonies marking the beginning of the demolition of the old Dixie Square shopping center.

WHICH TO MOST people is nothing more than the place where the Illinois State Police car chase through the shopping mall in The Blues Brothers film took place (as opposed to the Chicago Police chase that began at McCormick Place, went into lower Wacker Drive and wound up at the Daley Plaza "where they have the Picasso" just outside the Cook County building).

Jackson was instrumental in finding federal funds that will allow Harvey municipal officials to pay for the shopping mall’s demolition – one-third of a century after the structure closed to the public.

So Bryant was on hand to represent his boss. And he tried to be cute in concluding his remarks with an allusion to The Blues Brothers; telling us that if Jake and Elwood were here, we’d see them with their theme music from the film playing in the background.

The only problem is that Bryant then tried to do the theme music with his own voice – which came out more as a series of grunts that were extremely unpleasant to hear.

NEVER HAVE I heard the theme from the old television show Peter Gunn butchered so badly – not even when I pick up my guitar and attempt to play it myself. (And that is bad too, believe me.)

So consider yourself lucky that you’re not now hearing the Rick Bryant version of the Peter Gunn theme. Besides, the original version by Henry Mancini is the only one that truly deserves much of any attention.

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EXTRA: “Phil’s” brethren gave headache I still remember years later

It has been more than two full decades, but I still remember a bit of Groundhog Day aggravation that popped into my life.

It was back in my days with the now-defunct City News Bureau, and I was working a shift on rewrite duty – which meant I got to sit in the office downtown and grind out copy based on notes provided by reporter-types in the field.

BECAUSE THIS WAS a February 2, one of those reporter-types had to make the trip to Brookfield Zoo – where the local officials coordinated an event meant to give us our very own local groundhog to predict our weather, a counterpart to Punxsutawney Phil.

The reporter-type went out there, spoke to some people, observed the stunt, then called in with the story that I proceeded to pound out with "bulletin-like" speed.

As I recall it, the groundhog came out of the hole, ran around this maze that had been built for him, then went back into the hole.

The wire service’s copy reflected that fact – it went back into the hole. With mock seriousness, we reported that the local groundhog went back inside, meaning “six more weeks” of wintry weather. I honestly don’t remember how much longer dismal weather lasted that year.

BUT WHAT I do remember was that officials from the zoo called the wire service about an hour after the City News story was transmitted to clients. They were upset, and not with any mock seriousness like our story was written.

They were peeved.

For they wanted the events interpreted that the groundhog came out of the hole and ran around in the maze. Winter’s over!!!!!!! Yea!

I don’t remember exactly what got written up and transmitted by the editors to account for this “discrepancy.” But the idea that anyone took any of this nonsense seriously still amazes me.

IT WAS NEARLY as obnoxious as the sniping that hospitals can engage in on New Year’s Day as they quibble over which one gave birth to the first baby of the year. It was bad enough that, to this day, I have never been able to sit through the film “Groundhog Day.”

It is one of those reporter memories that has lodged itself in my mind and will not go away – which makes me wonder what significant piece of information will I never be able to remember because this trivial memory is permanently lodged there – taking up precious brain space.

And for the record, that groundhog DID go back into that hole – so I’d still say that the initial report was as accurate as anything can be for a stunt like this.

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