How long until somebody whacks the fiberglass goose with a home run ball?

We got to see for ourselves in the Midwestern U.S. exactly why Major League Baseball schedules for teams to have an off-day the day after Opening Day.

How long 'til Honkers Ale goose takes a home run shot off the head?

The nasty weather conditions that show us winter chill isn’t quite ready to loosen its grip on us caused both the Chicago White Sox and St. Louis Cardinals to have to postpone what was supposed to be their first home games of the 2019 season on Thursday.

WHICH COULD HAVE caused a significant scheduling pile-up later in the season. But instead merely meant the first game of the season will be played on Friday.

By which time the chill and constant rainfall we got hit with on Thursday will be gone, and the weather forecasts for Friday call for partly-sunny skies and temperatures in the 50s (of degrees).

Compared to the wet and sloppy rain we had on Thursday, with temperatures peaking at about 44 degrees.

Not exactly torrential storms or the chill of snowfall (which have occurred on Opening Days of the past). But still, not exactly pleasant weather conditions to have to endure while watching a ballgame.

NOW I ALREADY can hear some rants from Chicago Cubs-type fans, claiming that the Sox and their fan base are being wimps. They can’t endure a little bit of rain.

Mother Nature postponed baseball for a day

Of course, I expect that fan base to always find something to complain about. Perhaps it’s all those years of rooting for a ballclub that thinks it’s cutesy to be called the Cubbies?

Or maybe it’s the fact that, deep down, they’re realizing their window of winning ways likely is over (or is that ovah, to quote the Hawk) and all they got to show for it is one lone World Series win of 2016 – no better than the one World Series win the White Sox got in this century (back in 2005)?

Then again, could it be that the Cubs’ 1-4 record thus far this season actually puts them behind the White Sox’ (with 2-3)?

ALL BOUND TO be material for use in rants by baseball fans of both major league persuasions in Chicago. We’ll have countless quarrels take place during 2019 about this – and many other, points as we try to figure out which ball club is more worthy of our attention.

Life returns to neighborhood near Armour Square ballpark on Friday

And it all begins on Friday, when Opening Day takes place for both the White Sox against the Seattle Mariners AND for the St. Louis Cardinals against the San Diego Padres (who may well be upset they can’t play the game in the anticipated mid-60’s temperatures that Southern California anticipates).

Which actually compares to the Monday anticipated sunny skies and high temperature of 68 degrees we’ll have in Chicago – thereby giving the Cubbie faithful a pleasant day to go to the ballpark.

Anyway, it means baseball is back in Chicago. Many of us will get the chance to check out the new attractions of the ballparks – particularly in the way of concessions.

PERSONALLY, I’M MOST interested in seeing the new Goose Island attraction that will be set up in the right field seats – a special section named for the Goose Island Brewery that likes to think it’s Chicago’s answer to craft beers.

It will be particularly interesting to see the 10-foot-tall fiberglass goose erected in the section. It creates a potential target for home run hitters – and how enticing will it be the first time the goose gets whacked in the head by a home run ball.

Vengeance for Rayner?

Which almost reminds me of Chelveston the Duck from the old Ray Rayner Show when I was a kid. Remember how that duck would become ornery enough that he’d literally attack Rayner, nipping at his heels, during the show?

A part of me can’t help but think that the spirit of Rayner would be extremely pleased at seeing the sight of that goose getting whacked once or twice upside the noggin.

  -30-

Baseball back in Chicago, and Sout’ Side plays off a Springpatch delicacy

I know there are the hard-core fanatics who think that going to a ballgame and getting something to eat means ordering nothing more than a bag of peanuts and/or a hot dog. If they really want to splurge, maybe they’ll go for a polish sausage.

A capital take on the 'horseshoe'

Which is why I found it amusing when Major League Baseball conducted a food festival earlier this month in New York, where each of the 30 ball clubs felt compelled to feature what they consider to be a unique item their concessionaires sell at the ballpark.

FOR THE CUBS, the featured food was a hot dog. As in served “Chicago-style” with tomatoes, that glow-in-the-dark pickle relish and sport peppers (and absolutely NO ketchup!!!). Which might offend some sensibilities that the Cubs would try to claim such a common food item as their very own.

But the White Sox may be the ball club that came up with something unique.

As in their featured foot item was the “South Side horseshoe,” a sandwich that is considered a variation of that dining “delight” unique to the Illinois capital city of Springfield.

Personally, I have to admit that during the seven years I worked and lived in Springfield, I only once ate a horseshoe. I didn’t think it much of a big deal. In fact, I think it a sign of the lack of a capital cuisine that THIS is considered the unique dining experience (that and chili, which the locals insist on spelling “chilli” sold at “chilli parlors” that Chicagoans most likely would think of as dives).

White Sox offering up a fancier take on the horseshoe

SO TO SEE that the White Sox are adding to their food menu (albeit only at the concessions stands that service the private boxes – the riff-raff sitting in the allegedly cheap seats won’t have easy access) a horseshoe variation makes me want to chuckle.

Particularly since my comprehension of the White Sox version of the sandwich is that it will have Italian sausage and giardiniera, in addition to the French fries and beer sauce that a Springfield-type horseshoe would have.

I suspect that many a Springpatch-type will look at the White Sox’ take on the horseshoe and dismiss it as high falutin’, and way too overly fancy. Others might think it is tampering with the capital’s attempt at culture and cuisine.

Cubs offer a high-priced hot dog

So will be White Sox be selling a “real” horseshoe at the ballpark this season – beginning a week from Thursday when they have their home opener against the Detroit Tigers?

LIKE I SAID previously, I had a horseshoe once when I lived in Springfield, and what I had was turkey on toasted bread with the fries piled on top and the cheesy beer sauce poured on thick. Hamburger or ham are popular alternatives to turkey.

I know of people who think horseshoes are something special who contend that it’s the beer sauce that makes all the difference between a delicacy and an unhealthy pile of slop.

In the case of the White Sox, they’re supposedly using Modelo-brand beer to create their sauce for the sandwich. Whether that makes a difference, I don’t know. But because Modelo is the “official import beer of the Chicago White Sox,” the ballclub feels compelled to promote it.

Old-school red hots at the ballpark

All I know is it will be amusing if the Springfield horseshoe actually catches on at White Sox games. Or if it winds up being dismissed as yet more evidence of the unsophistication of the Illinois capital city.

FOR I’M SURE it will wind up being more adventurous than the Cubs offering up hot dogs. Even if they use the real Vienna beef brand of wieners, I don’t doubt that the Cubs’ take on a hot dog with everything (“dragged through the garden,” so to speak) will wind up coming off as second-rate to the hot dog one can buy at any corner stand.

Particularly when one compares the dollar or so for a hot dog in the real world, compared to the $6 one will have to pay at Wrigley Field.

One-time star now a sandwich

But ballpark food caters to a captive audience, and we wind up paying the high prices for everything (in my case, $9 for a Minnie Miñoso-branded “Cuban Comet” sandwich) in order to experience the thrill of a competitive ballclub trying to do proud by our city.

Anyway, baseball is back for this season (the White Sox start out in Kansas City, while the Cubs ‘do’ Miami), and I’m bound to try to get out to a few games this season. Sitting down by the foul pole in those cheap – by modern standards – seats, where maybe we can compare the merits of a Sox-style horseshoe.

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A DAY IN THE LIFE (of Chicago): The Election Day 2016 hangover?

Andrew Jackson, Samuel Tilden, Grover Cleveland, Al Gore, and now, Hillary Clinton -- those are the five individuals in U.S. history who managed to win the popular vote when they ran for president, yet didn't win their electoral bids.

George W. has something in common with Donald

 
In the cases of Jackson and Cleveland, they both later tried again and won the presidency. While Clinton is likely to wind up in the category of Tilden and Gore – whose political careers ended with their electoral defeats.

I BRING THIS up because it seems that Donald Trump will gain a historic Fdistinction that I’m sure he won’t want to acknowledge – a majority of the people who voted didn’t want him.

He only gets to call himself “president-elect” these days because of the vagaries of the Electoral College process, which allowed him to gain the political support of states with sizable rural areas that could overcome their metro population centers.

In places like New York, California and Illinois (which have the three largest cities in the nation that dominate their state political processes), it was a good day for Clinton. Yet elsewhere, we get to see a national map of red – with blue blotches that clearly show you where all the cities of any size are located.

For the record, as of Wednesday morning there were 59.34 million votes for Clinton, compared to 59.18 million for Trump.

I DO FIND one bit of irony, in that amidst all the political speculation leading up to Election Day there were people who speculated about the concept of the popular vote and the Electoral College producing differing results. Yet all the people who discussed the idea did so on the basis that Trump would be the choice of “the people” and that it would be Clinton who would somehow only gain the presidency through the Electoral College process.

Which was identical to the George W. Bush/Al Gore election cycle of 2000. Gore got the popular vote total (50,999,897 votes), even though many people were willing to presume that it would be Bush (50,456,002 votes) who would be the pick of the masses.

Why are we so eager to believe that “the people” want these political officials willing to pander to the ideologues, who if they had any sense ought not go around ever complaining again about the electoral process being rigged.

So what else are we pondering these days, aside from the fact that suburban Park Ridge native Clinton will not give us a second consecutive president with strong Chicago ties?

THE HOARDS HAVE REALLY OVERRUN THE LAND OF DuPAGE: I realize Illinois has changed – being one of the few places nationally that gave comfort to Democratic Party political interests.

Yet learning that in a GOP-leaning year, Hillary Clinton managed to win DuPage County so solidly is such a shock. She took 53.9 percent of the county’s vote, compared to only 39.8 percent for Trump. In fact, Clinton won all the suburban counties surrounding Cook, including Lake County in Indiana (58.4 percent) even though the Hoosier State was actually first in the nation for Trump – except for up in far northwest McHenry.

Where Trump managed to take a slim 50.7 percent voter majority.

This really became a matter of a rural majority that Trump managed to milk for all it was worth, with many interests that should have backed Hillary falling short of anticipated support.

COME TOGETHER? OR SHUT UP!: Just a thought about the victory speech that Donald Trump made just before 2 a.m. Central Standard Time. It is being spun by some as a sign that Trump wants to work with all and the people who opposed him were being so irrational in their fears.

 

KIRK: Setting a standard for concessions?

When Trump says we need to “Come together as one united people,” my gut reaction is to hear a grouchy grandpa say, “Shut up and do what you’re told.” That sentiment would certainly be consistent with all the trash talk that Trump spewed during the campaign cycle.

Anyway, now we move on, and accept the reality that a Trump administration is likely to give new political life to people like Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich and also enable New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to have a future – none of which would have been possible prior to Tuesday.

And as for the coming together, we’ll see how conciliatory the meeting on Thursday is at the White House between Trump and President Barack Obama. Although I wonder if soon-to-be-former Sen. Mark Kirk, R-Ill., has the right idea – a beer at the Billy Goat with his political conqueror, Tammy Duckworth.

  -30-

Just what does a losing political candidate really owe to his victor?

So what should we make of Bernie Sanders, now that it is apparent that the senator from Vermont is NOT about to become the Democratic Party’s presidential nominee?

SANDERS: Won't wither away

He’s the man who the other day talked of the need for people to unite to ensure that the overly-vocal minority of Donald Trump backers aren’t sufficient to actually win the November presidential elections, even though an acknowledgment that he LOST the primary cycle to Hillary Clinton never actually came from his mouth.

AS REPORTED IN so many places, Sanders talked about his role in determining just what the Democratic candidates will stand for. He talked about his expectations.

Even though one could argue that as the loser, his expectations ought to be that he can slink away into anonymity and won’t face any sort of political reprisals for having the nerve to challenge Hillary – who after all was the pick of Democratic Party establishment officials.

But that just wouldn’t be Bernie’s style. He’s the grouchy old guy (actually older than Hillary – whom some Bernie backers like to think of as some old lady who’s past her prime).

So he’s going to be the one who goes about screaming and screeching what he thinks the party ought to stand for.

BUT WHAT EXACTLY will that amount to?

I could easily envision a scenario in which Sanders is put in charge of some sort of committee that helps craft the official Democratic Party platform statement that sets forth in writing a whole bunch of stances on selected issues that real Democrats are supposed to believe.

Which is about as worthless a task as one could be asked to perform. Because the platform is a document that usually does not acknowledge the wide range of stances that exist on issues. It is something that candidates choose to ignore whenever it suits them.

I can’t see Sanders being content to prepare a document that will be ignored.

BUT WOULD HILLARY Clinton dare let Sanders have any more say within the political party mechanizations? I doubt it!

She’s going to dream of what is the ideal type of political loser – someone who quietly fades away into the woodwork without continuing to try to stir up dissention. She doesn’t need Sanders to become her most outspoken advocate.

But she certainly would want for him to put a gag on himself and not say much of anything. Which is certainly not the style of the man who rose from political obscurity to national prominence to the point where some people are seriously disappointed that he did not prevail in the now-complete Democratic primary elections.

The problem is that if Hillary gave Bernie too prominent a post, he would wind up detracting from her own campaign. You’d wind up having many of those Bernie backers going into the general election campaign cycle convinced the wrong person won.

PERSONALLY, I EXPECT many of those people who felt “the Bern” and were inspired by his oft-vague rhetoric are just not going to bother to cast ballots. There may well be a sense of disappointment that drives down voter turnout.

But this truly is the year of “Who do I hate the least?” being the chief sentiment that guides people if they bother to show up at the polling place later this year.

There are Republican ideologues who have it so ingrained in their blood that a Clinton is a being to be destroyed politically that they won’t be able to conceive of voting for her. While a majority of sane people will wonder what those ideologues were thinking during their primary cycles this year that they could nominate Trump.

Right now, Sanders is meekly claiming to offer support to defeating Donald. It will be interesting to see how he winds up trying to talk himself up in the process.

  -30-

EXTRA: What would Paul Reuschel hot dog be? Biittner or Jose Cardenal?

It seems that Doug Sohn is a 1970s-era Chicago Cubs fan. How else to explain the fact that the one-time operator of the Hot Doug’s hot dog stand is now serving up products at Wrigley Field named for Cubs ballplayers of that era.

The Carmen Fanzone? A Vienna Beef polish sausage with brown mustard and carmelized onions. Personally, I think there should be a trumpet riff played whenever anyone buys one.



Yes, Paul and Rick were transposed

THE RICK REUSCHEL? Pork sausage with chipotle mustard and pepper jack cheese. Which makes me wonder what a hot dog named for his brother, Paul, would be; perhaps a foot-long with double the same ingredients to acknowledge the girth.

The Dave Kingman? Bacon cheeseburger sausage with cola-barbecue sauce and sharp cheddar cheese. Of course, you’d have to put something unexpected in it to give it a sharp, off-beat and nasty taste – just like Kingman’s personality!

Considering that hot dogs at Wrigley Field have never been anything special (the polish sausage served up to Chicago White Sox fans at U.S. Cellular Field tops anything the Cubs have ever offered to go along with all that Old Style Beer consumed throughout the years), it’s interesting to see something different offered up.

Although I don't know much about these new products, other than that they were first offered Friday and were probably the most interesting aspect of the Cubs' loss to the Miami Marlins. Better later than never, I suppose. Because it seems that the 21st Century sports stadium has become more about the concessions it offers, rather than the activity that takes place on the playing field.

AT $9 APIECE, these hot dogs aren't exactly something we can indulge in too many of. Back in the 1970s, that $9 would have paid for a ticket AND concessions for a person to attend a ballgame.  For the record, Sohn says he plans to rotate the offerings – there will be other variations of sausages on a bun that will be named for other Cubs players of that era.

Which means there had better be a Jose Cardenal (although the idea of the traditional Cuban hot dog that includes ham, Swiss cheese, dill pickles, prosciutto and mayonnaise -- a variation of the famed Cuban sandwich -- isn’t that appealing) included in the very near future.

Although if they really want to get off-beat, they’d offer up a Larry Biittner. I'm not sure what kind of sausage it would be, but it ought to come with some sort of a discount for any fan who can actually spell the one-time outfielder’s name correctly!
 

  -30-

EXTRA: People still voting when Quinn refused to concede defeat

I didn’t know it at the time late Tuesday, but there were people still waiting to cast ballots for the state, federal and county government elections at the very moment that Pat Quinn refused to concede defeat to likely Gov.-elect Bruce Rauner.

Quinn made what I’m sure he thinks is a high-minded statement about how he wants every single vote counted before he makes any statement about his political future.

I’M ALSO SURE that Rauner backers are already starting up the cheap rhetoric of Quinn being a “sore loser” because he won’t admit defeat. Even though I’m sure that cocky statement Rauner made late Tuesday to declare victory was written months in advance with no option possible if a few more city votes had been cast to put Quinn over the top.

There were polling places where problems arose early in the day, causing judges to order them to remain open late. For most, 7:30 p.m. was the closing time, although some were open as late as 9 p.m.

And that merely means somebody had to be in line by the time the polling place closed.

The Chicago Tribune reported about some city polling places where officials weren’t capable of working through the backlog of would-be voters until about 3 a.m. Wednesday.

THERE LITERALLY WERE people casting their votes about 8 hours after the polls were officially supposed to be closed. Or about three-and-a-half hours after Rauner said he was DA WINNER!!!

Of course, because the voters were given the option of registering on Tuesday to vote Tuesday, there will be many of those late votes that will be regarded as “provisional.”

Which means some sort of investigation will take place in coming days to ensure that the voters are legitimate and that their ballots should be included.

Which also means that some of the votes yet to be counted will wind up being excluded from the final vote tally – which will not be known until the Illinois State Board of Elections certifies the results on Dec. 5.

I’M REALISTIC ENOUGH to know it is not likely that Quinn can make up enough of his vote-deficit to win himself a second term in office.

But I’m also not going to get too worked up over Quinn’s lack of a concession statement last night. Because the only people who lose out are those ideologues whose victory isn’t complete unless they get the sight of someone groveling before them!

We all need to move on, and those people need to figure out  how to govern without offending the sensibilities of the true masses of our society.

  -30-

Pizza at the zoo? I don’t think so

Pizza, as far as I’m concerned, is one of those odd foods. It’s not always worth getting.

I'll take the corner slice

If we’re talking about a pie that was freshly made and is eaten while still piping hot, then sure. I don’t even mind a cold slice that happens to be left over from that pie.

BUT WHEN I happen to encounter a snack stand at some event and see that they’re offering up pizza as one of their menu choices, I rarely bother to get it. Too much is lost in the translation of having to produce a large mass of slices available for people to munch on – rather than on focusing on trying to make an individual pizza that is worth consuming.

So excuse me for getting a giggle at the reports this week that the Lincoln Park Zoo has reached agreement with a new company to sell pizza slices to those people who are visiting the world-class zoo and whose appetite has not been killed off by the aromas of various substances generated by the animals after they have eaten.

People who want pizza at the zoo can now claim that they are eating pizza from Aurelio’s, a suburban Homewood-based chain whose fanatics will claim it to be the best pizza one could ever consume.

I know because I can recall high school being surrounded by those people (I attended a South Holland-based high school that had – still has, actually, an Aurelio’s located one block away from campus) who thought I was insane for the fact that I didn’t care for the product.

EVEN BY PIZZA standards, there was just too much grease – to the point where it overwhelmed the pizza toppings, rather than enhanced them.

Now, zoo-goers are going to get to share that same experience, in between staring at the animals occupying space that I’m sure makes real estate developers drool while fantasizing about what kind of monstrosity they would build on the land – if ever given the chance!

I noticed in statements that Aurelio’s officials are saying their bringing their “special pizza-making processes” to the zoo. I don’t know what those special things are. But it could be what makes the difference between a slice of pizza that bears a resemblance to the restaurant, and something covered in gobs of cheese that tastes no different than what you’d buy in the frozen foods aisle of whatever supermarket you prefer to peruse.

Calling it “Aurelio’s” pizza could be the equivalent of deceptive advertising – albeit one that Aurelio’s approves of because it puts the name out there.

IT’S NOT GOING to be something that gets me out to the zoo anytime soon.

Having a brand-name pizza isn’t even going to be what gets me out to U.S. Cellular Field this season. I’ll go to a ballgame or two in 2014. But the fact that they now also have a deal with a local pizzeria isn’t that big a deal.

In the case of the Chicago White Sox, it is Beggar’s Pizza that is operating the concessions stands that sell pizza slices. Now I’ll admit to preferring Beggar’s to Aurelio’s (something about those extra-large chunks of toppings – particularly sausage – makes their pizza interesting).

But I’m not optimistic that the same taste will translate to the ballpark. It may be even further off-the-mark from Aurelio’s at the zoo. Although it’s going to have to be better than the DiGiorno frozen pizza brand that was sold at the ballpark in recent seasons.

ALTHOUGH THE KEY to getting a pizza worth anything may well be to stop off at a Lou Malnati’s restaurant after the ballgame/zoo trip. Although perhaps a deep-dish or pan pizza is a totally different type of food item.

That is, unless you have a neighborhood place nearby that has the absolute best pizza cut into squares that one could ever find – and which nobody else knows a thing about.

Those are usually the best, and can’t be replicated anywhere else.

  -30-

EDITOR’S NOTE: My personal fave from a pizza are those bite-sized slices you get from the corners of a round pizza cut into squares.

We in Chicago ought to applaud the idea of “mustard-only” hot dog vendor

If either of our professional ball clubs had any sense, they’d figure out a way to make Charley Marcuse a part of their ballpark atmosphere.

He’s not capable of pitching 200 innings, playing a stellar shortstop or depositing fly balls into the outfield seats on a regular basis. He wouldn’t help the on-field activity.

BUT HIS HIRING would make a statement totally in character with the ethos of our home city – or at least the way we’d like to think of ourselves.

Marcuse is a hot dog vendor. Or at least he was until this week. Since 1999, he has worked concessions at Detroit Tigers baseball games. He’s one of those guys roaming through the stands with a metal box – selling you overpriced hot dogs to munch on while you watch a ballgame.

His particular schtick that made him stand out was as the “Singing” vendor. He’d sing out his cry for people to buy hot dogs as though he were parodying an operatic singer.

But that’s not why he ought to come to Chicago. In fact, I suspect if he did set foot inside a Chicago ballpark, he’d come across as being more annoying than Ronnie Wickers, the “Woo Woo” man in the stands at Wrigley Field.

WHAT MAKES MARCUSE stand out in my mind that he believes hot dogs are meant to be served with mustard. He is known for letting people who ask for ketchup on their ballpark hotdog just how little he thinks of them.

In fact, it seems that attitude is what caused Sportservice (which handles concessions at Detroit’s Comerica Park) to let Marcuse go. Friday’s Tigers game against the Kansas City Royals was the first since 1999 where he wasn’t present.

The Detroit News reported that “general employee conduct” was the reason Marcuse was given for losing his job. Although speculation is that it was his “no ketchup” attitude – which some fans have said on various Internet sites was so over the top that he came across as intimidating to fans.

Which reminds me of the one-time “Andy the Clown” who used to roam the stands at old Comiskey Park – using his loud, piercing voice to be able to shout cheers over the din of the ballpark crowd. Some fans hated having to be the one sitting near where he stood because he could be that loud.

OTHERS FOUND HIM to be part of the atmosphere of the old ballpark that never carried over to the structure now known as U.S. Cellular Field.

Now in writing this commentary, I don’t seriously expect Marcuse to relocate his life from Michigan to the greater Chicago area just to take a job as a hot dog vendor.

Hot dog lovers to an extreme in L.A.

But the whole idea of someone willing to take a stand for the lack of ketchup (which I personally don’t put on anything I eat) is something I wouldn’t mind seeing promoted. Even though I realize that the vendors at our own ballparks don’t offer ketchup (you have to go to one of the stands underneath the seats if you want it).

A no-ketchup vendor who’s proud of it would be a kick – even if it were just to last for a day.

BESIDES, IT'S ONE of the quirks of Michigan that Marcuse has actually developed his own brand of mustard that can be bought in assorted stores and served in some area restaurants.

Perhaps a Chicago stint could help him expand his market. At the very least, it would appease those people who get all worked up over the genuine “Chicago dog.”

Although I’ve always found a hot dog with mustard and onion to be an adequate edible item.

  -30-

EDITOR'S NOTE: For anybody who thinks crusading against ketchup on a hot dog is silly, keep in mind that it makes more sense than anybody who can't envision the Wrigley Field baseball experience without an Old Style-brand beer.
 

N.Y. “pop” ban good if it hurts gougers

Yes, a part of me thinks that New York City municipal officials are being ridiculous for expending their precious time on trying to pass a ban on movie theaters selling those ridiculously-absurd sizes of extra large cups for soda pop.

BLOOMBERG: Health nut? Or idle hands?

You’d think Michael Bloomberg would have better things to focus on, and I suspect that is the motivation for many of the 51 percent of people who said in a recent poll that they oppose the mayor on this issue.

BUT I HAVE to confess, a part of me wishes that some Illinois-based official would push for a similar restriction.

Not because I believe that Bloomberg’s stated goal of improving the overall health of New Yorkers will be achieved by not letting them be capable of buying the obscenely-large cups that are sold.

But because I see it as a rebellion against every single snotty kid who works in a movie theater concessions stand and engages in an aggressive pitch to try to get me to buy the larger size because “it’s just a quarter (or 50 cents) more.”

I understand that the kid could care less what I buy, that he’s merely a minimum-wage worker, and that he’s following the instructions of his boss – the theater manager, who is pushing those larger sizes off onto people to bolster the bottom line of his particular theater.

WHICH LIKELY IS part of some large chain and that has some computer printouts available that judge the manager in question on how much pop and popcorn he can peddle.

Because I realize those $10 per person tickets for the actual admission to the theater don’t do anything for the profitability. The movie producers get the bulk of that money.

The theaters make their money off all the junk food they can sell you.

And to ensure that they can charge us prices that we would never pay in the real world (a.k.a., a Walgreen’s or a Jewel or perhaps a real candy story), they come up with those humongous sizes.

WE THINK THAT we’re getting our money’s worth when we pay something like $6 for a cup of soda because it’s somewhere around 48 ounces.

But who in their right mind is going to drink all of that in one sitting?

It’s either warm and/or flat by the end of the two hour-plus cinematic production. Or you actually managed to guzzle it all down, and you’re now thoroughly disgusting to everybody around you because you’re belching up a storm.

All that gas from having drank so much pop.

IT’S EVEN MORE disgusting than some of the films that are passed off as “horror flicks” but are really just collections of grotesque images strung together.

And if the only reason that exists for having such deformed sizes of pop cups in existence in movie theaters is to bolster a cineplex’ financial bottom line, that just isn’t good enough to me to justify it.

Let them die!

It wouldn’t bother me in the least to see more rational policies put into place when it comes to concessions. It has got to the point where I don’t go to a movie theater all that often just because I don’t want to be confronted with an orgy, so to speak, of obscenely-sized candies and cokes.

OF COURSE, I also have to admit that the main reason I don’t go to movie theaters regularly is because I can’t stand the crummy selection of films they show.

Just this week, my local theater (part of the Marcus chain) is showing Madagascar 3 and Prometheus on three screens each, along with Men in Black 3 and Show White & The Huntsmen on two screens each.

I suppose I should feel thankful that they have the Dark Shadows film restricted to one screen, and are not giving us that everywhere we look.

All in all, it reduces the number of films that actually get shown locally. I don’t like to have to make the long haul of a drive to see a worthy film that gets squeezed out of my local theater to enhance the “viewing opportunities” for certain dreck to be overplayed.

WHICH IS TO say that I think many of us are depriving ourselves of the chance to buy those perversely priced pop cups because we think the films themselves stink!

And we’ve certainly come a long way from the days when an animated hot dog, popcorn and pop danced across the screen, urging us “all (to) go to the lobby” to get ourselves a not-so-overpriced treat.

  -30-

EDITOR'S NOTE: I sort of agree with one-time Illinois Statehouse news broadcaster and state Attorney General spokesman Abdul-Hakim Shabazz that this pop cup ban is a nonsensical issue that Mayor Bloomberg should not be wasting time on. So I'll sort of support his "Do nothing" candidacy for public office at a date yet to be determined. A non-endorsement for a non-candidacy.

  -30-

Does NFL labor dispute really bring an “end of the world, as we know it?”

Personally, the idea of the National Football League not being able to play their 2011 season on account of a labor dispute doesn’t bother me. I never have cared much for the game of football, and my life’s routine does not involve being parked in front of the television every autumn Sunday (along with occasional Mondays).

But I do realize that there are many people who do have that routine as part of their lives, and that the lack of professional football will have an impact.

Could the only "football" played at Soldier Field this year involve the July 23 match between the Chicago Fire and Manchester United?

SO I CAN appreciate the sensibility that went into a Chicago Sun-Times report on Thursday about how the Chicago economy would be devastated (“wallop” was the word the newspaper used in its headline) without the Chicago Bears taking the turf every week.

Bourbonnais, Ill., the town that hosts the Bears’ summer training camp, claims it will lose about $1 million that football fans would have spent in their town when they come to see their sporting idols.

Then, there are all those people who actually work in the stadiums to maintain them and serve food and other items to the people who actually attend games. They sent a letter to the NFL officials and players, urging them to resolve their labor dispute no matter what it takes.

If there are no games, then there’s no need to spend money on the overpriced stadium food. If the fans aren’t dumping their trash all over the stands, then there’s no need for the stadium workers to clean up the mess.

AND THERE CERTAINLY wouldn’t be any need to have people working the souvenir stands selling programs and t-shirts and other items with the official NFL team logos on them.

If anything, that is where the money is to be made. The actual running of a sports franchise only becomes profitable when an owner finds someone new to sell the team to.

All of these people have an interest in the NFL carrying on with their season because it impacts their own bottom line, and I’m not looking to have anyone out of work for any reason.

But I just can’t get into the idea that we face economic devastation if the Bears don’t play out their schedule. It is only eight Sundays/Mondays per year.

THE SUN-TIMES REPORTED that Connie’s Pizza officials were among those signing the letter telling the football players to “get that deal done.” I doubt Connie’s Pizza is going to go bankrupt by not selling their brand at Soldier Field for Bears’ home games.

With their restaurants and their frozen pizza brand selling in grocery stores, the fact that they do stadium concessions is just a sideline. A part-time job, so to speak. It might well be the equivalent of free advertising for their brand name. Every time they have a slice of Connie’s at Soldier Field, they remember the name and become inclined to want to eat it elsewhere (unless they get a particularly bad slice – in which case, it could do more harm).

But aside from that factor, the other thing that gets to me is the fact that people will still be spending money even if there isn’t any football. Life does go on.

It’s not like the time period during which the games take place suddenly disappears.

PEOPLE STILL HAVE to eat. They will spend money on the meals they would consume instead of eating stadium concessions. So someone is going to get an economic boost financially.

There also is the fact that time will still have to be filled. If it means that some people will have to get off their duffs and break away from the television because there’s no game on, maybe it means they will use the time to take care of other items of business in their lives.

Maybe they’ll go shopping, thereby spending money and bolstering someone else’s business.

While I don’t doubt that there are some business interests that will lose out if there are no professional football games, there also could be other business interests that benefit. What my line of logic comes down to is that if the NFL’s lack of play creates a gap, something else will fill it.

SO WILL THE Chicago economy be “wallop”ed without the Bears? Somehow, I think we’ll cope business-wise.

I even think those people who just cannot get enough of the game of football will get their fix on Saturdays from the NCAA version of the game.

Those of you who want to be frustrated by the Bears’ play will simply have to settle for tearing your hair out over the Fighting Illini (whose orange and blue colors were the inspiration for the blue and orange worn by the “Monsters of the Midway”).

Which might be a good thing. Because after all the mediocre-to-bad baseball Chicago sports fans are likely to endure this summer, we probably need a break come September and October.

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