Has Memorial Day holiday become more about the burgers than the soldiers?

I went and got myself a haircut Sunday, and while making sure to trim my sideburns evenly, the hair-stylist hit me with the question about my holiday plans.

“Are you going to barbecue?”

NOW THE STRAIGHTFORWARD answer to that question is, “I don’t know.” It will depend on the weather (if it is as bad Monday as it was Sunday, then I doubt it), and also the mood of my father – I’m likely to spend the bulk of the day checking up to make sure he and my step-mother are okay.

But there’s something about the question that annoyed me somewhat; and not just because it was a part of the mindless chit-chat that barbers feel the need to engage in.

It’s the idea that the reason we’re getting a holiday (one of the six major ones that results in an extra day off from work for many people, no mail delivery and a waiver of the rules requiring that we feed the parking meters) is so that we can drag out the coals and slap a few patties of ground beef (or some meat-like substance) over the heat.

We might as well re-name the holiday “Weber Grill Day.” The all-American vision of a charred hot dog or a bratwurst being stuffed into a bun for our consumption.

BE HONEST. THAT vision will be in more people’s heads than any vision involving military personnel.

Now I’m not about to preach for the military. I never served, and feel fortunate that I was never in a position where I felt forced to serve (which is what I honestly think of those young people now who use the military to come up with the money to pay for a college education in the future).

But I do have cousins and uncles who did stints in the military at various points of time during the past few decades – including some who served in Vietnam and during the first incarnation of an Iraq War (remember 1990?).

So while I happen to think that many military veterans organizations lay it on a little thick with the public ceremonies they conducted both during the weekend and on Monday (I understand Mayor Rahm Emanuel became a bit teary-eyed while attending such a ceremony in Chicago, while my relatives who served don’t go around telling ‘war’ stories), I find the apathetic viewpoint to be even more reprehensible.

INSOFAR AS MY own family, I am fortunate enough to be able to say that all of those members who served came back home and were able to have a life after their military service. We won’t tell tales on Monday of a lost brother or cousin and wonder ‘what might have been’ had he not been lost in combat. We’re fortunate in that regard, and I feel for those who can’t say the same.

But for those people whose biggest concern on Monday is making sure they get the right brand of barbecue sauce for whatever it is they try to cook, I hope I don’t run into many of those people.

Because my level of contempt may well just cause me to have an outburst that I likely will regret in the future. If anything, I believe that Monday shouldn’t be much of a holiday celebration at all.

It ought to be a day of quiet, introspective thought. We should have to contemplate, even if for just a few, brief moments, what our life and our society would be like if certain aspects had gone differently in the past. How much better off are we because of the sacrifices of past military action.

THERE HAVE BEEN times in our history when brute force has had to be used to uphold an ideal. The problem becomes when people think we’re celebrating the acts of brute force, rather than the ideals that our United States is based upon.

Of course, looking around me while I stopped off at a supermarket later in the afternoon on Sunday, it would seem to me that few people had any of this in mind. Finding the best price on pop, or deciding how thin to chop the onions so they don’t dissolve on the grill was the biggest concern.

Me, I’m hoping to have a moment to think about my cousins or uncles (whom I most likely will NOT actually see on Monday) who weren’t as fortunate as I was to have options besides the military. Today’s the day they deserve a moment of my attention.

That is, when I’m not munching on a burger.

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“Whole wheat” pizza isn’t worth high prices charged at Taste of Chicago

I have never been a fan of the Taste of Chicago, the nearly three-decade-old food festival whose 2008 incarnation began Friday.

The annual event that is supposed to give the unique assortment of restaurants in Chicago a chance to show off their custom items is really nothing more than an opportunity to overpay for bite-sized morsels of pizza and barbecue.

NOW SOME PEOPLE are more than comfortable trotting out to Grant Park in the July heat of a Chicago summer to eat these items that I can order up just about any time I want.

Personally, I will avoid the park for the next 10 or so days, until after the Taste of Chicago is complete and the crews have removed all the trash (which leaves such a lingering aroma of unpleasantness that wafts its way into the Loop proper).

The Taste of Chicago’s food fare is too predictable.

Fair officials this year are promoting pizza as one of the unique food items. Specifically, they are touting the pizza by Connie’s Pizza, which is making some slices with a special whole-wheat crust – claiming it to be a healthier food choice than “regular” pizza.

I DON’T HAVE a problem with pizza crust made by whole wheat dough. I have had it on occasion, and it has a nice texture to it. But it is not the kind of item that I will make a special trip for (and have to pay Taste of Chicago-type prices).

And for those who take offense to the notion of eating any version of pizza that pretends to be healthy, be assured that there will be plenty of more conventional versions of pizza for sale from many other vendors at the Taste of Chicago.

How ridiculous are the event’s prices?

In theory, tickets for the Taste of Chicago (which must be used to purchase food – vendors don’t take cash or charge cards) cost little more than $0.60 apiece.

BUT TICKETS ARE not sold individually. They are sold in strips of 11 – at a cost of $7 per strip. Even then, most food items cost anywhere from five to eight tickets apiece, which means that a single strip isn’t going to get one much more than a lone bite or two of something greasy.

Multiple strips must be purchased, and that is just if one comes alone. Bringing a friend adds to the expense. A group of three can easily go through $50-60 to spend a couple of hours tasting a few food items – then have to spend more money to eat elsewhere because the portions were so small that they weren’t all that filling.

And what’s worse is that I have never been able to see anyone manage to use every single ticket. It is all too common to be left with a stray ticket or two – which means returning to the Taste of Chicago for a second day (and more money spent on ticket strips).

The mystery of the number of tickets sold on a Taste of Chicago strip ranks right up there with the question of why hot dog buns are sold in packages of eight, while hot dogs often come in packs of seven.

CROWDS ALSO CAN make a mess of the Taste of Chicago, particularly on Thursday of this coming week – when the combination of overpriced food and an elaborate Day-before-Independence Day fireworks show will cause more than 1 million people to cram their way onto the Chicago lakefront.

That is the day to avoid Chicago at all costs, unless your life is not complete without pyrotechnics.

But even on the other nine days of the Taste of Chicago, the mass of people can be overwhelming.

I still remember the Taste of Chicago from 1998, when then-Democratic gubernatorial nominee Glenn Poshard tried to use the summer festival (which is billed as Chicago’s preeminent outdoor event of the year) to get the urban people of Chicago to accept his Southern Illinois ways.

AS A REPORTER-type person with the old United Press International, I was working that day – following Poshard around as he tried to mingle with the masses.

Yet it quickly became obvious that the event was overwhelming. Poshard himself ate nothing more than an ice cream cone, and seemed bewildered that so many people could convene in such a small space for the explicit purpose of eating greasy junk food.

His reaction might very well be evidence that he had a strain of common sense.

AS MUCH AS I can enjoy crowds (a capacity group in a sports stadium doesn’t freak me out in the least), the sense just exists that the Taste of Chicago has no taste whatsoever.

If I really want to experience some of the unique culinary experiences of Chicago, I’ll get in the car (or figure out how to take the “el” or a CTA bus) to try out some of the unique restaurants located in the neighborhoods.

If I am able to find one new restaurant this summer in Chicago that serves me a truly unique meal, then I will consider that a much more worthwhile experience than spending a couple of hours at the Taste of Chicago.

AND FOR THOSE people who just have to experience some time in Grant Park this summer at a public event, I’d suggest trying the music festivals.

The Chicago Blues Festival has already passed, but the gospel, Latin music and jazz festivals all are coming up this summer and will offer one a much more pleasing (and less grubby) way of spending an evening in downtown Chicago.

I’m actually looking forward to hearing the skilled saxophone playing of Ornette Coleman, who aside from being thoroughly enjoyable any time of the year is scheduled to be the highlighted musical act performing on my birthday.

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EDITOR’S NOTES: It may sound interesting that Stevie Wonder, Bonnie Raitt and Chaka Khan all will perform at the Taste of Chicago. The only problem is that the stages (http://egov.cityofchicago.org/city/webportal/portalEntityHomeAction.do?entityName=Taste+of+Chicago&entityNameEnumValue=166) where the music is performed usually get lost amidst the mass of greasy food.

Soldiers in Iraq will get to experience a piece of the Taste of Chicago, as Lou Malnati’s (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5heP2QK8kxePru5jZ5U1nZHGqBXtgD91H21280) pizzeria has arranged to ship up to 3,000 of the pizzas they’re selling at the food festival to the troops.

Chicago's foodstuffs lose something in their translation to other locales

I have eaten the attempts by people in other cities to create the concept of a “Chicago-style” hot dog and the “deep dish” version of pizza that our residents like to brag about. “Ugh,” is all I have to say.

The culinary attempts at Chicago impersonation are so far removed from what can be found here, and usually are third-rate insofar as being edible food.

SO I WASN’T the least bit surprised when, while scouring through the Internet, I found a restaurant review published Sunday in the Times of London that says the Chicago Rib Shack stinks. It’s not just because the restaurant has an unpleasant aroma.

Apparently, the new London-based restaurant produces a version of pork remaining on the bone that is quite unappetizing. How else to react to a review that says the ribs tasted as though they had been “boiled in an ashtray” and were “glutinously awful pig-swamp bad.”

Now I have never been to the Chicago Rib Shack in London, so I have no way of knowing whether the food is really that bad – or if this particular food critic is just full of it.

But I am more than willing to give this critic the benefit of the doubt. As I said before, I have never had a pleasant dining experience when eating something that is supposed to be modeled after the food of the Second City.

SOMEHOW, FOODSTUFFS DON’T translate very well when they are made in a place where the native experience is radically different. I wouldn’t expect people in Jolly Old England to be capable of creating the dishes that were devised in Chicago, any more than I would expect an “English-style pub” in Chicago to be the least bit authentic.

Should we Chicagoans consider it defamation of our city’s character for some other place to peddle substandard takes on our city’s food, thereby giving people the impression that they are somehow experiencing a taste of what makes our city unique?

Ribs in particular are tricky to recreate, in large part because few people can agree on how they should be cooked or seasoned. Who knows exactly what this restaurant thinks is a Chicago version of barbecued ribs.

I know some people who insist that boiling the ribs first before cooking them is nasty, while others insist on it to make the meat more tender. There are questions over whether they should be cooked in an oven or over an open flame – or should be smoked.

WHAT KINDS OF seasoning were rubbed into the meat before they were cooked? Was anything rubbed into the meat? I know people who are absolutely mortified at the thought of adding anything, while others insist true barbecue needs their “secret seasonings” to be even the least bit edible.

Then, what about the sauce?

Should the sauce be added during the cooking process, or should it all come after they are finished? Should that sauce have anything resembling a spice, or should it be sweet-tasting (almost sugary) in flavor?

Should we really expect a Chicago Rib Shack in London to be worth anything? Or are they just pushing rubbery pork on bone with an icky-sweet sauce poured all over them to cover up the fact that any flavor in the meat has been cooked away?

NOW ONE CAN argue that the locals who visit the restaurant likely have never been to Chicago. They likely don’t have a clue as to what barbecue (and I refuse to spell it Bar-B-Q) in this city tastes like. Maybe it is harmless to let them have their delusion that they are somehow eating “Chicago-style” food, even though anyone who seriously enjoys Chicago barbecue still mourns the loss of the Tropical Hut restaurant on Stony Island Boulevard – which mixed a tacky Polynesian theme with some of the best barbecue ever.

But then I think of some of the nasty concoctions I have tried in other cities across this country, all of which entailed some sort of Chicago theme. Thick, overly cheesed takes on pizza in a pan, and rubbery hotdogs without poppy seed buns and totally lacking in much of the way of fixings aside from pickle relish (but too quick to slop on the ketchup).

How about Italian beef sandwiches (that concoction sort of inspired by Italian cooking but created in working-class Chicago) without anything in the way of juice?

The idea that people don’t appreciate that it is the meat and vegetables stuffed into the cheese that make a good Chicago pizza or the pickle spears and tomato slices that turn a hot dog into something worthy of this city (instead of that horseradish-slopped concoction peddled in New York) is just evidence that people outside of Chicago are lacking in a certain culinary common sense.

THIS IS WHY I shudder when I am traveling somewhere (or when I have lived in other cities) and see a restaurant that includes “Chicago” or “Windy City” or something else in its name meant to conjure up images of our beloved home.

What they usually consist of is a local owner hanging up a picture of Mayor Daley (as in Richard J.) and a couple of shots of Wrigley Field, and trying to claim that his restaurant peddling third-rate food has a Chicago “theme” to it.

It didn’t work in the instances I have seen in places ranging from Springfield, Ill., to Washington, D.C., and not just because any Chicago restaurant that shows off Wrigley Field will lose the business of about half the city’s population. It just feels too fake.

I’m not the least bit shocked to learn Chicago imitations don’t work in London either.

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EDITOR’S NOTES: Comparing a restaurant’s food to photographs of your girlfriend (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/eating_out/a_a_gill/article4172196.ece) from the 1980s is about as harsh a judgment as I can imagine. Remember some of those funky “New Wave” styles of hair and clothing, or the music of Boy George and Culture Club?

What are the best places to find “Chicago-style” food? Through the magic of the Internet, one (http://www.chicagofoodplanet.com/) can see for themselves.

If you really feel the need for a Chicago-type barbecue, are not fortunate enough to be in the city but are willing to spend some money (http://www.ribs.com/), this is the closest you will come to finding happiness. If you want to scour around town, then check out some (http://www.yelp.com/c/chicago/bbq) of these places.