When is an apology worth squat?

I always thought the only “apology” worth anything was the one comedian Steve Martin gave all those decades ago.

MARTIN: From the past

Remember back in the days of the arrow through the head and the banjo riffs when he’d build himself up into a frenzy of alleged gaffes, then wind them up with the over-the-top, “Well, Excuuuuuuuuse Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

IT WAS SO insincere. It meant nothing. It was just a formality meant to shut people up, and Martin mocked the very idea that an apology was necessary, or that it meant anything.

Anyway, all this speculation over the sincerity of an apology has popped into my mind on account of the fact that Mayor Rahm Emanuel – in theory – has apologized for the death of Laquan McDonald.

He conceded that since all this mishap has occurred with the police under a superintendent he picked and during his time in office, he has to take the blame.

As Emanuel put it, “If we’re going to fix it, you have to understand it’s my responsibility with you. But if we’re also going to begin the healing process, the first step in that journey is my step, and I’m sorry.”

TO PARROTT MARTIN, “Well Excuuuuuuuuse Meeeeeeeeeeeee!” for thinking that Emanuel is less than sincere, or that there’s anything he could possibly say that would appease anyone who isn’t already looking for any excuse to forgive him.

The reality is that the people who are most concerned about the issue of police misconduct in modern-day Chicago are looking for someone to blame. They are less interested at this point in time in trying to find a solution so much as they want someone’s face to post on the problem.

For many, particularly those who wanted Anybody But Emanuel back in the February and April elections earlier this year, they’re more than willing to put the blame on Rahm.

EMANUEL: Is he about as sincere ...

They want him to go. They’re not interested in him being a part of the solution. If anything, they would have found a problem to blame him for no matter what had happened. The death of McDonald was just a convenient occurrence for them.

MY POINT IS that I don’t think there’s such a thing as an apology in a case like this. We have to acknowledge the cause of a problem then figure out how to fix it.

But the idea that someone’s “I’m sorry” really means anything just doesn’t wash. If anything, it always comes across as sounding like someone means to say “I’m sorry I got caught!”

So if by having Emanuel make his little speech Wednesday morning it means that city officials are willing to work together to try to resolve our societal differences that are truly at the heart of this particular problem, then perhaps it meant something.

... as the Hamburger Dude?

Otherwise, it was wasted words that ought to best be forgotten by Friday – if not sooner!

THE REAL PROBLEM we face here is one that goes back much farther than Emanuel as mayor. Or either Daley. It is something that isn’t even limited to Chicago, no matter how many politically partisan outsiders are now wishing they could say it is.

I’m wondering how long it will be before someone tries to claim that the outrage felt toward police because of the death of McDonald and certain other young black men is nothing but political correctness run amok. I have no doubt that some people really feel those 16 shots fired at Laquan were somehow justified.

So long as we have those attitudes amongst us, we will have this problem – no matter whether or not political partisans are able to concoct a way to pressure Emanuel out of the mayor’s office against his will.

Which makes me think we’ll someday hear something the equivalent of the Hamburger Dude, the character played by Paul Reubens in a Cheech and Chong film when he apologized for trying to steal $5 million – only to screech out “I’m not sorry” when he thought nobody was looking.

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Hillary for President! – Hasn’t she been running for the White House all along?

Well, excuse me (think Steve Martin in his mid-1970s white suit-wearing, arrow-through-the-head persona) for not getting all excited that Hillary R. Clinton is finally going to declare herself a presidential candidate for the 2016 election cycle.

My honest reaction to learning that the former Arkansas and U.S. first lady/senator/Secretary of State is beginning her presidential campaign on Sunday was to have a thought along the lines of “It’s about (insert obscenity of your choice here) time!?!”

IT’S JUST THAT the talk of Hillary Clinton running for president once Barack Obama leaves office has been going on for so long that it really doesn’t seem like news.

The fact that she plans to use Facebook to issue a canned statement, along with releasing some sort of video of herself talking, just doesn’t seem like a big deal.

Particularly since making her campaign declaration in such a way may sound “cool” and “neato” (and whatever other choice phrases mean anything to the computer geek-oriented crowd) to some, it seems to me and I’m sure many other politically oriented people as a way of hiding from them. Or maybe I’m just trained to take Twitter comments and ignore them as the ramblings of the vapid?

It’s hard to interact with a video snippet on a computer screen featuring Hillary telling us how much she wants to be president – a fact we all came to the realization of some many decades ago.

THE WASHINGTON POST is reporting that Hillary plans to follow up this Sunday campaign statement (I can already hear the overly-religious amongst us complaining that she’s somehow defiling the “Lord’s special day”) by meeting with small groups across Iowa.

The newspaper also reported Friday that Hillary is hiring political operatives to be based in New Hampshire.

In short, she’s already focusing on the two states that historically kick off the whole campaign cycle. She wants that early jolt that, for all intents and purposes, kills off any other person who has the nerve to think they can take the Democratic Party presidential nomination away from her. Does anyone seriously get excited at the concept of, “President Joe Biden?”

Remember back late 2007 when Obama was a presidential hopeful whom nobody knew if he should be taken seriously at all? He won those caucuses in Iowa and didn’t embarrass himself in New Hampshire.

WHICH HAD THE effect of ruining the sense of invincibility that Hillary had hoped to develop for herself. She wound up getting dragged into a lengthy primary battle that didn’t come to an end until the very end – and Obama wound up with the nomination and, ultimately, two terms of the presidency.

Clinton had to settle for the consolation prize of a cabinet post – albeit one of the most powerful cabinet posts in the federal government.

And one that literally did much to rehabilitate her public image that was way too influenced by the distaste some people felt (and likely still feel) by her husband, Bill.

Be honest. If Hillary were to become president and Bill winds up being the first male presidential spouse, you know it won’t be long before people make jokes along the lines of, “Hide the girls! Bill’s back in the White House.”

BUT THAT’S A gag for early 2017 – for now, we get to speculate about how Hillary’s unofficial campaigning has gone on for so long that the public at-large is already sick and tired of her.

Anything she has to say on Sunday is going to be glossed over – or overly-speculated upon by those people eager to distort it into a negative blow to her image!

In fact, the big reason I can’t get all worked up over the upcoming Democratic primary election cycle is that I can’t envision anybody else running a credible campaign. It all seems like a preordained cycle to see how well prepared Hillary is to run against the clowns like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Rand Paul who want to drag the image of the “Party of Lincoln” further into the ground.

Perhaps we could get Martin himself to consider a presidential bid – not the Martin who sang to us “King Tut.” But perhaps the one-time “Wild and Crazy Guy” who turned a folded paper video into a Senate endorsement for Bob Kerrey of Nebraska.

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