Do we give a fig about royal wedding?

“If George comes to Chicago, I’ll crack him in the snoot” – William H. Thompson, former Mayor of Chicago

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I’m sure by now, many of you are sick and tired of hearing this line, spouted in the heat of the 1927 election cycle as Thompson ran an anti-British theme throughout his campaign for re-election that year.

Do 'we' really wanna 'read all about it?'

Because the “George” he refers to was then-King George V – as in the grandfather of current Queen Elizabeth II (who having been Queen since 1952 has the kind of lengthy term that American politicos can only fantasize about) and great-great-grandfather to Prince Henry (more commonly called Harry), who on Saturday will have the world’s eyes on him as he marries one-time Northwestern University student Meghan Markle.

THAT LINE FROM Thompson is being used by many people who try to come up with some sort of connection between the English royals and those of us native to the “Second City.”

It also gets used by those of us intending to show our disdain for anything happening in London on Saturday. Some of us feel the need to spew trash talk about how we fought a war against those people to break our ties to the English king.

George III, to be exact.

George V, with his 'snoot' intact

While others will want to get caught up in the pageantry of the spectacle and will think it sad that some people will be “haters” – although whenever I hear the word used like that, I’m reminded of the various delusional, and youthful, women who dated Hugh Hefner during his final years of life.

PERSONALLY, I CAN’T say I feel either way.

“Hate” would definitely be the wrong sentiment, because in order to hate something, you have to care about it. You have to have a legitimate sense of feeling that, in some ways, could border on “love.”

Yet I also have the same feelings of apathy whenever anything involving the English royal family comes up. It just all seems so trivial.

All bluster from 'Big Bill'

At least if we were talking about an American power-play wedding, such as a White House-staged event involving President Donald J. Trump’s younger daughter, Tiffany – we could complain about the gross misuse of tax dollars during the Trump years in D.C.

IF ANYTHING, IT bothers me to bring this up because we then have to recall the 1915-23 and again from 1927-31 mayoral reign of Thompson – the man whose tolerance of Al Capone is the reason why a hood was able to achieve such prominence in Chicago.

Remember that scene from Kevin Costner’s 1987 take on “The Untouchables” when Costner’s Eliot Ness is stopped from arresting Frank Nitti for bringing a pistol into a courthouse – because Nitti produced a note granting him permission to legally have the weapon?

A note signed by none other than “William Hale Thompson” himself. That scene wasn’t exactly fictional – although the follow-up scene where Ness throws Nitti off the roof of City Hall to his death inside an automobile (“He’s in the car” was Ness’ response when asked about Nitti’s whereabouts) was pure fantasy.

Do we really want to be recalling the sentiments of a man who makes the political people of our era seem so meek and mild? One who would make Rod Blagojevich seem like a choirboy by comparison and would probably upset the conservative ideologues because Thompson was a Republican – the last GOPer to date to hold the Chicago mayoral post.

NO WONDER WHY our local voters don’t think much of the one-time Party of Lincoln.

The queen w/ Chicago 'royalty'

But the other “local moments” in our history include the July 6, 1959 visit of Elizabeth, herself, to Chicago – spending 14 hours in our city and even having a meeting with Richard J. Daley himself.

Or that three-day visit Princess Diana made to Chicago in the summer of 1996 – with its profound moment being the formal ball at the Field Museum where some local “gent” managed to cut in and got himself a dance with Diana herself.

Although that, at least, left a memento, as the Drake Hotel suite where she stood is now known as the “Princess Diana Suite” (which TripAdvisor.com puts at $187 per night – if available).

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Oberweis wants us to pay him to promote his political campaign

Republican Senate hopeful James Oberweis wants us to think of him as the scrawny guy getting sand kicked in his face by the big, muscular bully in those ads of old that used to appear in comic books.

For the Charles Atlas bodybuilding plan of old allegedly gave you the kind of muscles that would let you beat up the bully AND get the babe in the bikini.

I HAVE LOST count of the number of e-mail appeals he has sent out advising us that he needs our money (in the form of campaign contributions) so as to beat up on the bully otherwise known as Sen. Richard Durbin.

To “Dump Durbin,” we need to give our money to the multi-millionaire who isn’t willing to pump in millions of dollars at a time (including another $1.5 million as recently as Friday) of his own money into his campaign fund.

I wonder how Bruce Rauner is going to feel when he realizes he spent so many millions to gain a job that pays under $200,000 per year and comes with a house that is in desperate need of a rehab.

But back to Oberweis, the millionaire businessman, dairy farmer and ice cream parlor operator (he does make a good banana ice cream, if I may say so myself) who I’m almost surprised doesn’t put together a campaign ad showing someone kicking sand in his face – so he can deliver that blow to the jaw to Durbin on Election Day.

I’M GETTING ALL worked up about Oberweis because of the e-mail message from his campaign that I woke up to Monday morning. He wants $25 (or larger) contributions from us.

In return, he’ll send us a yard sign that we can put in front of our residences to promote his campaign.

Actually, it doesn’t tout Oberweis, as much as tells people not to vote for Durbin.

His campaign staff took the old slogan of the British government – “Keep Calm and Carry On” – to motivate the people to keep up their morale in the face of attacks from Nazi-run Germany.

OBERWEIS WANTS ILLINOIS voters to “Keep Calm and Dump Durbin.” Which sounds more absurd than anything else.

If we truly were keeping calm, we wouldn’t feel the need to change much of anything. We certainly wouldn’t dump anything. Oberweis wants us to calm down, then act rashly.

It’s like that old “Hurry Up and Wait” cliché that is meant to mock wasted effort, rather than inspire serious activity.

The yard signs Oberweis offers up (at least according to the fundraising e-mail message I received) would even depict a British crown, which I guess is meant to bring to mind the original British slogan.

ALTHOUGH IT MAKES me wonder if Oberweis thinks he’s some form of Illinois royalty. Does that mean that if he gets elected, we would have a queen from Florida. Let’s not forget that the missus doesn’t actually live here anymore. She prefers the Southern sunshine.

The whole yard sign concept seems silly. The idea that we’re being asked to pay for it comes across as tacky. And then he wonders why, even in the most favorable poll taken to date, he’s losing by 6 percentage points!

The problem here is that Oberweis thinks the fact he operates stores offering quality dairy products makes him fit to represent Illinois in Washington, D.C., when he’d rather be the guy barking orders at minions and looking down upon some of us.

He had no problem in a past campaign being the bully who wanted to single out all those foreigners who don’t (as far as he was concerned) belong in this country.

BUT NOW WHEN that campaign ad of him flying over Soldier Field in a helicopter (claiming undocumented foreigners would fill the stadium full every day) is brought up, he says he’s sorry – even though he still stands behind the basic sentiment on immigration reform.

In short, don’t criticize him. He doesn’t want to hear it!

What would it take for Illinoisans to dump Oberweis from the niche he has developed for himself – that of being a perpetual candidate whom nobody outside of the people living near Sugar Grove have ever actually voted into public office.

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