“Undecideds” provide “stupid” fodder for comedians – both past and present

The “poll” found 23 percent of potential voters in the upcoming election unsure of who they would vote for.

And upon further “questioning,” it was learned that 34 percent of those people unsure of whom to cast ballots for in the upcoming presidential election were unsure of what gender they were, 32 percent did not know why they did not know who to vote for (with another 45 percent not caring) and 40 percent not knowing when they would know who to vote for (with another 47 percent saying they would “never” know who to vote for).

THE POINT OF this “poll” with its focus on undecided voters was to say that the people who claim to be unsure of who to vote for are likely just clueless about the political process.

And no, this poll was NOT some sketch done by Jon Stewart on Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show.” It’s not even a new sketch, which shows just how timeless the thought of stupid voters truly is.

This was a bit from back in 1976 on Saturday Night Live, when “political analyst” Laraine Newman did her bit about people who can’t make up their minds and how political candidates persuade those people who don’t know how to vote.

Or, as Newman in her nasally voice said, “How does a candidate do this? I don’t know.”

I STUMBLED ACROSS this old sketch the other day while watching the episodes of Saturday Night Live (or NBC’s Saturday Night, to be technically accurate) on DVD.

This particular episode that first aired April 24, 1976 was hosted by a still-youthful Raquel Welch, and included several sketches that implied then-President Gerald Ford was a klutzy bumbler who couldn’t even properly roll a marijuana cigarette.

The political names included such up-and-comers as Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan (along with long-forgottens such as Henry Jackson and Mo Udall).

But the sentiment in that one sketch showed that some things just never change.

THE THOUGHT THAT some people can’t make up their minds until the last minute always makes me wonder about the soundness of the general election results.

Are these really people who are so particular in the way they handle their ballot that they take every bit of time possible before deciding to who vote for? Or are they just indecisive types who can’t make up their minds about anything, and will wind up walking into the voter booth to play some form of “eenie meenie minie moe” before casting a vote?

With the barrage of information and garbage that we have been hit with during the nearly two years that the candidates have been campaigning, I have a hard time believing that anyone doesn’t have a clue by now who they will vote for on Nov. 4.

I would have an easier time believing that these people are so disgusted with both of the major party candidates that they are seriously looking into casting a vote for a third-party or independent candidate.

BUT THAT DOESN’T seem to be the case.

The latest Gallup Organization study released Friday afternoon showed 7 percent of those questioned said they were either opposed to both Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain or had no opinion – compared to only 1 percent who said they were going to vote for a fringe candidate (whether Ralph Nader or Bob Barr or someone else).

The other 92 percent have made up their minds – 51 percent for Obama and 41 percent for McCain, although that gap is likely to close in the more than three weeks remaining between now and Election Day.

So what should we think of the roughly 1 in 14 voters who say they haven’t made up their minds between Obama and McCain?

MY EXPERIENCE FROM having covered political campaigns in the past has always been that the people who remain uncommitted this late in the process are really just so disgusted with both candidates that they probably will skip a trip to the polling place on Election Day.

But saying “undecided” makes them sound less stupid than “repulsed by the candidates.” Perhaps these people are waiting for an epiphany to tell them whom to cast a vote for?

There’s also another factor to take into account, and that is the issue many conservatives want to ignore – race.

Political professionals have always noted that black candidates (or even bi-racial ones like Obama) do not have their support levels recorded accurately in polls because many people who do have a problem voting for a minority candidate don’t want to come out and say so.

SO THEY EITHER lie and claim they will vote for the minority candidate (which means his support is exaggerated) or they will claim the “undecided” label for themselves.

Should we be counting the “undecideds” this time around to the McCain campaign, on the grounds that many people who hear that Obama already has such a huge lead in the polls will decide they can safely cast ballots for McCain?

Of course, this is speculation. We really won’t know until after Election Day to what degree race will play in this presidential campaign (and I’d like to believe those people who are downplaying its effect – except I live in the real world and see how some people around me still have their racial hang-ups).

So I don’t know if it is accurate to believe the Saturday Night Live punch line that these people who “don’t know” are just clueless (although Newman’s gag statistic that 12 percent of those who “don’t know” who to vote for “resent the question” strikes me as incredibly accurate – both in 1976 and today.

AND THE CONCEPT of clueless voters is a timeless gag.

After all, Stewart did a bit earlier this week that purported to be a study of “undecided” voters whose punch line was to use various terms to imply their ignorance (“people who lose arguments to babies” and “paste-eaters.”).

And what, in the mind of Stewart, is the ultimate in being ignorant? Some of those “undecided” voters are also Chicago Cubs fans. In the view of The Daily Show, it is the ultimate in stupidity to expect a team that hasn’t won a World Series in one century to suddenly do so now.

“They’ve had 100 years to figure out what they yearn for will never happen, yet they still yearn for it,” Stewart sidekick John Oliver said.

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EDITOR’S NOTES: One in 14 people across the United States remain undecided (http://www.gallup.com/poll/111073/Gallup-Daily-Obama-51-McCain-41.aspx) who to vote for come Nov. 4.

What can we say about the latest crew of “undecided” voters who will have a say in deciding (http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=187570&title=the-stupid-vote) who wins Campaign ’08.

The Youngstown Vindicator newspaper is trying to personalize its coverage of the remainder of the campaign season by focusing on the views of a group of local residents (http://www.vindy.com/news/2008/oct/10/for-group-of-undecided-voters-from-valley/) who “don’t know” who they will vote for.